I had measured not in hours or days, neither weeks nor months. But, years. I had measured and I still do measure in years. And in one, I measure not by mere years, but by decades.
The measure of the waiting, waiting in years, decades. I measure the waiting and gage the hoping on the linear scale, knowing that He is not linear and surely not measurable. I grapple with His reality and try desperately to release my reality. I grasp at His truth and cling tightly to a dimensionless God, He does not hold to 3-dimensions as my flesh is confined to, and He surely does not lay on my linear time-line. I often feel trapped by space and time, caged by years and decades, a prisoner to the waiting. But, in Truth, I am only trapped, caged and a prisoner when I permit it. Allow it. Own it. And wear it.
For my flesh may lay on linear line but my spirit is linked to dimensionless God and a time-less Wonder.
Either I walk in the flesh as prisoner and captive; or I bask in the Spirit, limit-less and free. My choice.
In one longing, I measure in year. Just now, completed year.
In another, I count long years. Hard fought years.
And in the last, decades. Decades of longing. Decades of waiting. And decades of hoping.
And as days have marched into years and years have galloped into decades, one would wonder at this word ~ hoping. Hope. How can one hope after years, decades? And yet, my Hope lies far stronger and far more powerful on this end of the hoping and the waiting and certainly the years of praying. I feel it my bones and I wage war with it against my flesh. And my matter buried in my marrow does certainly know that the wonder of my Hope can not be quenched, caged or buried, even under years, not even under decades of years.
There may have been a time when you could have worried me out of my hoping, my believing. I may have been willing to indulge the flesh and ask that awful 'why' question and quickly allowed a 'but when?!' But, not any longer.
For . . . I know in Whom I have believed . . .
And all the years of waiting and the decades of wondering have not gone unseen by an all-seeing God and as He is NOT bound in the way that my flesh may lay as captive, I decidedly decide to grasp the limit-less God and know that it is He in Whom I have laid my dreams into. I have laid and sown my dreams and my waiting into a dimension-less God and One that is so able, able to do far more then I could think, or imagine or dream . . .
And I do dream, I dream into decades and I know the One that does not sleep, nor slumber Who laid these dreams and desires into my heart will deliver. He will deliver. And He will not deliver by my demanding or time table, He will deliver by His sovereignty and grace. And it will not come even as I can imagine it, nor will He meet my expectations. For my imagining and my expecting are so far less then He will give. He loves me far too much to allow me to settle for my imaginings and dreams.
Do you know that? Truly know that? He loves you far too much to allow you to settle for your puny expectations. For our simplistic dreams. And He will spend eternity and open the heavenlies to show us how far our imaginings truly missed the mark. Oh and on that day, that glorious day, we will finally know and finally see . . .
And that is why after the years of waiting and the decades of hoping, my hope is far more powerful then I can even begin to describe. The waiting has taught me of Whom my hope is in. And that is worth all the days of unanswered prayers and all the years of wondering and all the decades of watching and waiting. If it had all come when I had first begun to ask ~ I would not know. I would not know Him, as I do now.
And then after the countless hours of prayers and the well's worth of tears He brings me this ~
Psalm 147:11 ~
"The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy."
Another layer to the bedrock foundation that He has laid over these years into decades ~ He has taken pleasure in me! In these years into decades that I have hoped in Him. He has taken pleasure. I have brought Him pleasure. As I hope. As you believe. As I continue to offer up the same prayer and hope in the Answer, He finds pleasure in us! It is astounding. It is freeing. It is enough.
In the waiting. And the praying. And the believing. And the hoping. It is enough! His pleasure, in me. It is enough.
(And in the hoping and the believing over the years into decades, I have made a home amongst Hebrews 11 and will share of my home soon, Lord willing.)
The measure of the waiting, waiting in years, decades. I measure the waiting and gage the hoping on the linear scale, knowing that He is not linear and surely not measurable. I grapple with His reality and try desperately to release my reality. I grasp at His truth and cling tightly to a dimensionless God, He does not hold to 3-dimensions as my flesh is confined to, and He surely does not lay on my linear time-line. I often feel trapped by space and time, caged by years and decades, a prisoner to the waiting. But, in Truth, I am only trapped, caged and a prisoner when I permit it. Allow it. Own it. And wear it.
For my flesh may lay on linear line but my spirit is linked to dimensionless God and a time-less Wonder.
Either I walk in the flesh as prisoner and captive; or I bask in the Spirit, limit-less and free. My choice.
In one longing, I measure in year. Just now, completed year.
In another, I count long years. Hard fought years.
And in the last, decades. Decades of longing. Decades of waiting. And decades of hoping.
And as days have marched into years and years have galloped into decades, one would wonder at this word ~ hoping. Hope. How can one hope after years, decades? And yet, my Hope lies far stronger and far more powerful on this end of the hoping and the waiting and certainly the years of praying. I feel it my bones and I wage war with it against my flesh. And my matter buried in my marrow does certainly know that the wonder of my Hope can not be quenched, caged or buried, even under years, not even under decades of years.
There may have been a time when you could have worried me out of my hoping, my believing. I may have been willing to indulge the flesh and ask that awful 'why' question and quickly allowed a 'but when?!' But, not any longer.
For . . . I know in Whom I have believed . . .
And all the years of waiting and the decades of wondering have not gone unseen by an all-seeing God and as He is NOT bound in the way that my flesh may lay as captive, I decidedly decide to grasp the limit-less God and know that it is He in Whom I have laid my dreams into. I have laid and sown my dreams and my waiting into a dimension-less God and One that is so able, able to do far more then I could think, or imagine or dream . . .
And I do dream, I dream into decades and I know the One that does not sleep, nor slumber Who laid these dreams and desires into my heart will deliver. He will deliver. And He will not deliver by my demanding or time table, He will deliver by His sovereignty and grace. And it will not come even as I can imagine it, nor will He meet my expectations. For my imagining and my expecting are so far less then He will give. He loves me far too much to allow me to settle for my imaginings and dreams.
Do you know that? Truly know that? He loves you far too much to allow you to settle for your puny expectations. For our simplistic dreams. And He will spend eternity and open the heavenlies to show us how far our imaginings truly missed the mark. Oh and on that day, that glorious day, we will finally know and finally see . . .
And that is why after the years of waiting and the decades of hoping, my hope is far more powerful then I can even begin to describe. The waiting has taught me of Whom my hope is in. And that is worth all the days of unanswered prayers and all the years of wondering and all the decades of watching and waiting. If it had all come when I had first begun to ask ~ I would not know. I would not know Him, as I do now.
And then after the countless hours of prayers and the well's worth of tears He brings me this ~
Psalm 147:11 ~
"The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy."
Another layer to the bedrock foundation that He has laid over these years into decades ~ He has taken pleasure in me! In these years into decades that I have hoped in Him. He has taken pleasure. I have brought Him pleasure. As I hope. As you believe. As I continue to offer up the same prayer and hope in the Answer, He finds pleasure in us! It is astounding. It is freeing. It is enough.
In the waiting. And the praying. And the believing. And the hoping. It is enough! His pleasure, in me. It is enough.
(And in the hoping and the believing over the years into decades, I have made a home amongst Hebrews 11 and will share of my home soon, Lord willing.)
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