It is a struggle, the writing. Always a constant struggle. For a number of years I struggled against the things that were said about my writing, or in reality, the things that were not said. He graciously taught me how to lay that aside and yet, the struggle raged on. I would then have to wage war against the things I said or did not say about my writing. That battle ensued for months, that had piled into several years and I am just now learning to speak in a new way about my writing (and many other things for that matter). And now, I find myself engaged in yet another battle and I do believe it is on this final battleground that I will thrust my flag deeply into the land, my land, that He has given to me. And here, I raise my Tried and True Banner high. My Banner has fought this war for me and through me and in the last throes of this particular war, I know I have victory.
May I share my final battleground with you?
My greatest fear when I put pencil to paper is simply this ~ that I will write something of me, rather then of Him. I use to suffer under angst that you would reject it or laugh at it and quite often, that you would simply just not read it. Then I lived under fear of my own rejection (sad but true) ~ I often did not like my own writing. I spoke words of rejection and often found myself enveloped in my own satirical critique of what I had penned. I had become my own worst enemy. And then He graciously began to show me the futility of creation fighting the Creator. And I am learning a new vernacular ~ hopefully a far more heavenly vernacular.
And now my final stand against my own God-given calling ~ how to KNOW that I KNOW that I have not written of self, only of Him.
For in truth, most of you will not enjoy that which I write and far more will simply not read it. And certainly there will be many times I will not love that which He pens, but with all of this I have made peace. My final worry is ~ what does He want me to tell you? What does He need you to hear?
And, is this particular scribe worthy of penning His message?
And at this crossroads I hear Him teach of a new vernacular ~ His vernacular. I am worthy, simply because of the blood of Jesus that covers me and empowers me to do the work that He has set before me. That is God-speak. And yet, it is hard to pen ~ even now tears flow freely for I fight the temptation to delete those words off the screen, for they feel presumptuous - who am I? And yet, He whispers, "You are my daughter and I asked you to write a few letters to a few dear friends. You are my scribe. That is who you are. It is the Cross and only the Cross that permits you to be as such. Do not diminish the work of the Cross by some degree of false humility and by disparaging the creation that I deemed of great value. Value, that I would sacrifice My only Son for."
And because there is truly nothing new under the sun and the crafty serpent uses that same bag of nasty tricks continuously ~ it is likely that you struggle in your own wars. And you hear words either spoken by yourself or by others, that disparage the creation that is found wrapped in your own skin. And those words and that war will likely keep you locked in years of fruit-less battle until you learn a new vernacular. You are not worthy because of you - you are worthy because He created you in HIS IMAGE and He sent His Son to redeem that created you. And you have great value to Him and those surrounding you have great value to Him. The image was marred in the garden but it was set anew on the Cross. Your only necessity is to see you as He sees you and then to see others as He sees those others. That is the work of the Cross - restoration of creation.
What is it? What do you say to you? What do say to others? Or for those of us who live amongst the churchiness of our small worlds and have learned to fake the talk and barely gip along on the walk ~ what do you think about you? And what do you think about others?
If you think anything other then ~ you/they have tremendous value! And incredible worth! And great giftings to be consecrated for the the glory of the Giver! Then you need to renew the vernacular that rumbles and tumbles through your mind.
It is essential. Monumental. We need to see as He sees. Time is short and there is much to be done and we can not waste precious moments wallowing under what was said about us or to us and our feelings of this or that. The dying world around us desperately needs us to see us as He sees us so that we can see them as He sees them. This dying world may get only one mere, fleeting glimpse of how He sees them and it will likely come through our eyes. Our eyes need to see an image that was breathed out of the image of God - they need to know their value to Him, to see themselves as He sees them. And God determined at the foundation of time to show them through your eyes and mine.
May I share my final battleground with you?
My greatest fear when I put pencil to paper is simply this ~ that I will write something of me, rather then of Him. I use to suffer under angst that you would reject it or laugh at it and quite often, that you would simply just not read it. Then I lived under fear of my own rejection (sad but true) ~ I often did not like my own writing. I spoke words of rejection and often found myself enveloped in my own satirical critique of what I had penned. I had become my own worst enemy. And then He graciously began to show me the futility of creation fighting the Creator. And I am learning a new vernacular ~ hopefully a far more heavenly vernacular.
And now my final stand against my own God-given calling ~ how to KNOW that I KNOW that I have not written of self, only of Him.
For in truth, most of you will not enjoy that which I write and far more will simply not read it. And certainly there will be many times I will not love that which He pens, but with all of this I have made peace. My final worry is ~ what does He want me to tell you? What does He need you to hear?
And, is this particular scribe worthy of penning His message?
And at this crossroads I hear Him teach of a new vernacular ~ His vernacular. I am worthy, simply because of the blood of Jesus that covers me and empowers me to do the work that He has set before me. That is God-speak. And yet, it is hard to pen ~ even now tears flow freely for I fight the temptation to delete those words off the screen, for they feel presumptuous - who am I? And yet, He whispers, "You are my daughter and I asked you to write a few letters to a few dear friends. You are my scribe. That is who you are. It is the Cross and only the Cross that permits you to be as such. Do not diminish the work of the Cross by some degree of false humility and by disparaging the creation that I deemed of great value. Value, that I would sacrifice My only Son for."
And because there is truly nothing new under the sun and the crafty serpent uses that same bag of nasty tricks continuously ~ it is likely that you struggle in your own wars. And you hear words either spoken by yourself or by others, that disparage the creation that is found wrapped in your own skin. And those words and that war will likely keep you locked in years of fruit-less battle until you learn a new vernacular. You are not worthy because of you - you are worthy because He created you in HIS IMAGE and He sent His Son to redeem that created you. And you have great value to Him and those surrounding you have great value to Him. The image was marred in the garden but it was set anew on the Cross. Your only necessity is to see you as He sees you and then to see others as He sees those others. That is the work of the Cross - restoration of creation.
What is it? What do you say to you? What do say to others? Or for those of us who live amongst the churchiness of our small worlds and have learned to fake the talk and barely gip along on the walk ~ what do you think about you? And what do you think about others?
If you think anything other then ~ you/they have tremendous value! And incredible worth! And great giftings to be consecrated for the the glory of the Giver! Then you need to renew the vernacular that rumbles and tumbles through your mind.
It is essential. Monumental. We need to see as He sees. Time is short and there is much to be done and we can not waste precious moments wallowing under what was said about us or to us and our feelings of this or that. The dying world around us desperately needs us to see us as He sees us so that we can see them as He sees them. This dying world may get only one mere, fleeting glimpse of how He sees them and it will likely come through our eyes. Our eyes need to see an image that was breathed out of the image of God - they need to know their value to Him, to see themselves as He sees them. And God determined at the foundation of time to show them through your eyes and mine.
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