Revelation 21:5 ~ "Then He Who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And He said to me, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.'"
In this new thing, this Great Overshadowing, just 11 days in I feel, well . . . tired, old and certainly not new. "All things new . . . " ~ yet, I am old and tired and the bad habits and the issues ~ well, they certainly are old and very tired. So, where does that leave me? It appears that it leaves me as just the same old problematic me.
Day 11 ~ Goal ~ to live a life overshadowed greatly by God, I seem to have failed at that too. Awesome.
I read the above scripture again ~ "And He said to me, 'Write for these words are faithful and true.'" I rewind a few words back, "all things new . . ." but God remember, my goal, this overshadowing, and day 11 and already failure. Not new, same old messed up me, rarely get anything right for more than, oh say, an hour! He rewinds me a few more words, "He Who sat on the throne," and there it is, my 35 year old problem, I tend to look at me ~ my accomplishments, my failures, my desires, my feelings. Me. My. Problem.
What if the great overshadowing means just this ~ it is truly not about me and all about Him?
Truth be told, this great overshadowing, seems well, like maybe perfection. Perfection. Finally! I will finally run the marathon, write the book, drop the extra 5 lbs (ok 10 lbs), never snap at a child, memorize scripture like my life depended on it (it quite possibly does), return all phone calls and emails, live on lentils and fruit, meet every need with a cheerful smile, never over sleep the 5am wakeup call to prayer and NEVER start a fight with my husband just because I am grumpy and feel like being a pain.
Day 11 ~ I see a problem, the Great Overshadowing was still just about me ~ I was just now going to be a perfect me! With God's help of course.
But, what if? What if? The Great Overshadowing results in none of the above, what if? What will I do if I gain 10 more lbs, do not write a book, log 5 miles a week instead of 40 miles, meet needs slightly begrudgingly, and continue to irritate my husband with my "call to war" just because I am grumpy.
God would not do that. Says who? God is God, it is His prerogative ~ He may like me just fine as a pudgy, non - book writing, non - read writer, slow and low mileage runner, obnoxious wife and mother (maybe He is trying to teach my family patience) and maybe He is using me to keep the candy/ice cream companies in business. Who knows? And what if? What if on the other side of this year I am less impressive to you (and honestly to me) but more impressive to Him? What if the world categorizes me as a failure but He calls me a success?
What if the overshadowing does not make me a perfect version of me? It just makes me more of His?
Day 11 ~ I have to answer honestly, will I be ok with that?
Day 11 ~ YES
So, if over the next 354 days you notice I am more of a hot mess then normal, don't judge. I am just trying to figure out this whole ~ stop looking at me and start looking at ~ "He Who sits on throne" thing and to be quite frank, that does not come easy to me. No, not at all.
2014 ~
Drop 10 lbs ~ my babies have only been home for 4 months, it is my adoption 10, don't judge.
Run a marathon ~ don't hold your breath, you may pass out.
Forsake sugar ~ well now, that would not be fair to all the Blue Bell employees now would it?
Never snap at a child ~ I really should work on that but in all fairness there are 9 of them!
What else? Oh right, the book ~ maybe we already have enough books, maybe, just maybe we have too many books since the only needed Book was already written.
Maybe at the end of 2014 the world will call me a failure but what if He says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." That "what if" is certainly enough for me.
In this new thing, this Great Overshadowing, just 11 days in I feel, well . . . tired, old and certainly not new. "All things new . . . " ~ yet, I am old and tired and the bad habits and the issues ~ well, they certainly are old and very tired. So, where does that leave me? It appears that it leaves me as just the same old problematic me.
Day 11 ~ Goal ~ to live a life overshadowed greatly by God, I seem to have failed at that too. Awesome.
I read the above scripture again ~ "And He said to me, 'Write for these words are faithful and true.'" I rewind a few words back, "all things new . . ." but God remember, my goal, this overshadowing, and day 11 and already failure. Not new, same old messed up me, rarely get anything right for more than, oh say, an hour! He rewinds me a few more words, "He Who sat on the throne," and there it is, my 35 year old problem, I tend to look at me ~ my accomplishments, my failures, my desires, my feelings. Me. My. Problem.
What if the great overshadowing means just this ~ it is truly not about me and all about Him?
Truth be told, this great overshadowing, seems well, like maybe perfection. Perfection. Finally! I will finally run the marathon, write the book, drop the extra 5 lbs (ok 10 lbs), never snap at a child, memorize scripture like my life depended on it (it quite possibly does), return all phone calls and emails, live on lentils and fruit, meet every need with a cheerful smile, never over sleep the 5am wakeup call to prayer and NEVER start a fight with my husband just because I am grumpy and feel like being a pain.
Day 11 ~ I see a problem, the Great Overshadowing was still just about me ~ I was just now going to be a perfect me! With God's help of course.
But, what if? What if? The Great Overshadowing results in none of the above, what if? What will I do if I gain 10 more lbs, do not write a book, log 5 miles a week instead of 40 miles, meet needs slightly begrudgingly, and continue to irritate my husband with my "call to war" just because I am grumpy.
God would not do that. Says who? God is God, it is His prerogative ~ He may like me just fine as a pudgy, non - book writing, non - read writer, slow and low mileage runner, obnoxious wife and mother (maybe He is trying to teach my family patience) and maybe He is using me to keep the candy/ice cream companies in business. Who knows? And what if? What if on the other side of this year I am less impressive to you (and honestly to me) but more impressive to Him? What if the world categorizes me as a failure but He calls me a success?
What if the overshadowing does not make me a perfect version of me? It just makes me more of His?
Day 11 ~ I have to answer honestly, will I be ok with that?
Day 11 ~ YES
So, if over the next 354 days you notice I am more of a hot mess then normal, don't judge. I am just trying to figure out this whole ~ stop looking at me and start looking at ~ "He Who sits on throne" thing and to be quite frank, that does not come easy to me. No, not at all.
2014 ~
Drop 10 lbs ~ my babies have only been home for 4 months, it is my adoption 10, don't judge.
Run a marathon ~ don't hold your breath, you may pass out.
Forsake sugar ~ well now, that would not be fair to all the Blue Bell employees now would it?
Never snap at a child ~ I really should work on that but in all fairness there are 9 of them!
What else? Oh right, the book ~ maybe we already have enough books, maybe, just maybe we have too many books since the only needed Book was already written.
Maybe at the end of 2014 the world will call me a failure but what if He says, "Well done, good and faithful servant." That "what if" is certainly enough for me.
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