Savior Saving During Our Safe Sleeping

Those eyes followed me across the room, I felt them linger as I wandered into the kitchen to prepare her dinner.  And yet, as I prepared her yet another meal, those sullen, sulky, stalking eyes stared at me.  And I began to eye the duffle bag silently sitting on the shelf, an empty bag is meant to be filled. I began to daydream as sullen, sulky, stalking eyes silently bore into the back of my neck ~ I saw myself pull empty duffle bag waiting ever so patiently on the shelf and began to fill it with all her things.  In my daydream I saw myself silently, solemnly march the bag to the side of the street and gently set her things down ~ and I simply said, "You can take your sullen, sulky, stalking eyes to the street sister!  See how the street will serenade you in her sulky song!  This 'woe is me' becomes woefully tiring and days become weeks and weeks turn to months and months pass to years and I grow sick of you sullen, sulky, stalking eyes."

A quiet whisper broke through my reverie ~ ". . . working in you what is well pleasing in His sight. . . " ~ hmmm, sounds familiar, I may have read that some place.

Hebrews 13:21 ~ "make complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever.  Amen."

I prayed this verse over myself and I turned to a different set of eyes and an entirely radical and simply heavenly type of sight ~ so I mentally unpack the duffle bag and sullen, sulky, stalking set of eyes sleeps another night within my sight.

Tomorrow ~ rinse and repeat.  Until those sullen, sulky eyes see a new Sight and new Sight imparts gift of eternal Light.  But, for now ~ rinse and repeat.

-  Sulky, sullen, stalking eyes causes my blood to boil.
-  Duffle bag is pulled down from shelf.
-  Street starts to sing a song of its sullen defeat to sister with sullen eyes.
-  Hebrews 13 begins a work afresh and a new Sight saves sulky sister for another sleep.
-  Boiling Mama remembers the dawning Light in so many young eyes and the transformations as He gave new Sight.
-  And sullen sister is saved by saved sisters and born again brothers because Mama remembers ~ remembers other sullen, sulky sets of eyes.
-  Tomorrow ~ rinse and repeat under the faith that a tomorrow is coming where sullen, sulky sight beholds our glorious Light.

Sometimes the Savior saves by simply securing you another safe sleep.

To all my adoptive parent peeps ~ remember the Savior does all the saving and we simply serve as the safe sleeping.

The Alarm Clock is Sounding

By in large, you were very quiet.

Truth be told, so was he.  Quiet, very quiet.

Sitting around a table I strained to hear, I so desperately wanted to hear his story.  And in a quiet, unassuming way he did tell a tale or two.  And the telling of his tale I felt deeply within in the depths of my soul ~ words of suffering and sacrifice stir the spirit for they so closely mirror the tale of our Savior's suffering.

And yet I hear such a deafening difference between his quietness and our silence.  His is birthed in humility and a weariness we can not fathom ~ our silence is certainly not from humility nor weariness, in fact it is quite the opposite.

I can not mention his name nor even his country of origin, enemies of the true bride of Christ abound.

The only details that need to be told are that God, the great Networker, connected us to him because He is opening deaf ears to hear.

I have been praying and fasting that your ears will hear and I am believing in my wonder working God that He is awakening His western free church.

His church will arise, the question is ~ will you arise with it?

If you hear the Spirit's calling to arise contact me personally so I can connect you with His suffering church.

The alarm is sounding . . .
   it is time to wake up church.

Parenting and Persecution - Part Two

Have you forgiven me yet?  If so, you might want to hold off on your extended graces for todays' post may bring back your grimacing faces!  I have made peace with that though, for I love you and I love the Word of God and the Living Word is quite clear on many issues.

And once upon a time that Word became flesh and He dwelt among us and in that dwelling He endured much suffering.  Dwelling and suffering are intimately tied in the Word and we are intimately tied to the Word through both this dwelling and suffering.  He dwelt among us and He suffered for us and He knows the feel of chains biting flesh and the agony of scourged back and body wracked with hunger pangs.  He knows pierced side and thorns thrust into flesh, He knows time ticking tormentingly too slow as crumpled body waits to breathe last breath.  He knows of suffering and He remembers those suffering and He commands His body, His bride to remember them as well.

Hebrews 13:3 ~ Remember the prisoners as if chained with them - those who are mistreated - since you yourselves are in the body also.  NKJV

Remember those who are in prison as if you were their fellow prisoner, and those who are ill-treated, since you also are liable to bodily sufferings.  Amplified

"Remember the prisoners as if chained with them . . . " ~ Here is the truth of this Scripture, if you were chained to another and confined to a cell, how often would you "forget" that brother or sister you were chained to?  Imagine it, chains biting into flesh and links of metal binding one piece of broken flesh to another.  How often would these two not think of each other?  One movement causes a simultaneous, almost exact movement in the other.  Can they possibly forget one another?  A mirror of their suffering chained to their hands and feet.  These chained comrades eat together, sleep together, cry together, suffer together, laugh and worship together, pray and intercede together.  They are one.  One body.  They will not forget the other.

This is what Scripture, God is telling us, commanding us to do for our persecuted brothers and sisters.

We are one body, or at least that was the idea.

Has this been the Western free church's response?  NO.

We are too busy with our building campaigns to build another building we do not need or forming a committee to determine what to serve ourselves at our own personal church coffee shop!  Yea!  Excuse me - I have to go throw up in my mouth!

We do not remember them as if chained to them!  We barely even talk about them or pray for them or give to them or cry for them or write to them or lobby for them or visit them.

Bottom line ~ we do not care for them because it is not happening to me or mine.  "So, thank you Jesus I am an American Christian and this is not my problem!"  Or maybe it is not our body.

Let me ask you this - if your left hand is severely burned and covered in the 3rd degree burns, how does your right hand respond?  Will your right hand send a quick text to a friend to notify them?  Will it google - left hand burns to find the latest statistics on burns?  Maybe it will meet up with a few friends for a cup of coffee where it may or may not casually comment on its severely burned and agonizing left hand?  It sounds ridiculous right?!  But, it is exactly what we do, if we even notice the burned left hand at all.  If I described this scenario to a doctor he would likely reply, "Impossible, one body can not ignore pain in itself.  It must be a separate body.  Two hands of one body cannot ignore screaming agony in the other."

Here in lies a profound and potentially life altering question ~ are we/you in the body of Christ?  If so, we/you should be springing into action for your mutilated left hand.

And it is a certainty, the left hand has shown its true faith, its allegiance to Christ has born them unto death and persecution and imprisonment and it has declared the name of Jesus valiantly.  It is us that is in question.

Whether we are in the body of Christ and have some how managed to ignore our scalded left hand or we are not in the body of Christ at all; either way, some things need to change.

Much of the Western free church is not actually in the body of Christ.  They are in church but not in the body of Christ, there is an enormous difference between much of the American church and true fellowship with Christ.  Yes, I just said that and I deeply believe it.  Many will face a shocking eternity if the Western church does not quickly re-remember what Jesus as Savior AND Lord truly means.

The Amplified text offers the word "liable" ~ we are liable to bodily suffering.

Liable ~ responsible by law; legally answerable

In the spirit realm we are legally responsible to this bodily suffering.  In a similar manner as Christ bore our sin and shame on the cross, the persecuted church endures much suffering for the sake of the cross.  And God has clearly told us our response - remember them as if chained with them.  He did not ask us our opinion - "Do you feel like serving Me in this manner?  Does this suit your skill set and desires?"  No, He did not ask us, He simply tells us what His children's proper response should be (God clearly demonstrates superb parenting, He does not beg, plead or cajole - He tells that which is right and expected.)

From a human perspective the Western free church may not be held liable for our persecuted brothers and sisters but from God's perspective we are liable to those in chains, to those persecuted.  Spiritually we are legally answerable for them.  How we answer this command is deeply important to the Son and Father for once upon a time the Word became Flesh and He dwelt among us and He suffered deeply for us.  

If you are in the body of Christ what are you going to do about your left hand that is crying in agony?

I am not on Facebook but from what I have understood a few of you re-posted the parenting blog (I am truly honored) but now I challenge you ~ when a post is not about parenting or something that directly impacts our daily lives, will you still repost?  For a topic that touches into the very heart of God, do we dare to start a conversation that many would choose to ignore?

Our left hand is pleading with us to engage in this war against the bride of Christ ~ if you want to do something but are unsure of what to do ~ call me, text me, email me or post a message on this blog and let us unite as He commanded us to do and work together to remember those in chains . . . 

Parenting and Persecution

Hebrews 13:3 ~ Remember the prisoners as if chained with them - those who are mistreated - since you yourselves are in the body also.  NKJV

Remember those who are in prison as if you were their fellow prisoner, and those who are ill-treated, since you also are liable to bodily sufferings.  Amplified

We sat and listened, some with our ears, others with their eyes.  We heard story after story of untold suffering.  Father martyred.  Stabbed 13 times.  Husband martyred.  Orphaned children and starving families.  Beheadings and beatings.  Not beating but beatings, days and months, rolling into years of beatings.  So many martyred.  So many living martyrs yet still.  More martyred in the 20th century then ALL the other centuries combined.

I looked down the line of their young faces, varying levels of sadness were plain to see as they heard of and absorbed these atrocities.

Then I wondered, what will she say?  How will she comfort them and encourage them?  What diligence and perseverance will fill her prayers for them?  What will the Syrian mother do as her children not only hear of atrocities but face these atrocities?  How will she prepare them?  Will she send them to the mall to buy a new outfit?  Or sign them up for yet another activity after school?  Will she ensure they have an outstanding college education to face the persecutors?  Will she buy them I-phone and tell them to text her about their troubles?  Will she ignore the situation altogether and go out for a drink with her friends because she is really in need of a break?  Doubtful.  That is us.

The Syrian mother will intercede without ceasing, she will pour Scripture into them and over them in a steady, continuous flow, she will teach them to proclaim the name of Jesus, to the point of death and beyond.  Many of their young voices we will hear echoing from the grave, naming the only name of our saving grace, Jesus.

I wonder about her and I wonder about us.  Which one of us has it right?  I wonder which will have a higher probability of spending all of eternity with her babies?  I wonder?

But, truth be told, our parenting is just an outflow of our heart, our spirit.  What our children see daily, hourly is a true representation of who we are.  What we do in a pew is often not entirely true to the inner core of me and you.  If you indulge your children, likely, you are indulgent towards yourself.  If you refuse to disciple consistently you will likely find you are undisciplined with yourself.  If you have an explanation and an excuse for every sinful behavior your children manifest then you will certainly excuse away sin in yourself.  We parent our children the way we govern ourselves.  And often, we do not parent them by the standard of the Word of God just as we do not govern ourselves by the Word of God.  Every Biblical command can be viewed in a different "context" therefore determining - "it does not apply to us."  We have reasoning for sin in the same way we reason away our children's sinful behavior.  Let me name a few and see if they sound familiar.

1.  They are tired.
2.  They are out of their element.
3.  I promise they NEVER behave this way at home!
4.  It is a phase.
5.  They are trying to learn to express themselves.
6.  You know how kids are!  (Can someone please explain to me what this means?  Because apparently I do not know how kids are!  Never in my understanding of children were they disrespectful, unkind, selfish and narcissistic.  When did childhood become an excuse for unbearable behavior.  Thank you Dr. Spock for your vast knowledge and expertise and entirely screwing parents up!)
7.  You know how teenagers are!
8.  You know how young adults are!
9.  You know how middle age parents are!
10.  You know how retirees are!

It is ridiculous, they are excuses and they are unbiblical.  NO WHERE in the word of God does it instruct us to "bear with one another, esteeming others above yourself, unless of course you are tired, hungry, out of your comfort zone, or going through a phase."  There are no prerequisites to godly behavior, you do not need to reach the age of 25 before you are expected to follow the word of God.  We excuse sin in our children and in ourselves.  We always have a reason for our own behavior or choices.  Let's name a few of our excuses for not following Jesus the way He called us to.

1.  I will when I finish college, this is time for me to experiment and enjoy life.
2.  I will when I settle down and have a family.
3.  I will when my healthy is better or my finances are more line.
4.  Once my children are grown and gone because I currently can not do anything except manage them due to the first 10 excuses listed above.
5.  That is the pastor's job.
6.  That is the missionaries' job.
7.  Jesus could not actual have meant for us to live that way - He did not mean for the Bible to be taken literally.  (I must say here that we are quite selective in this interpretation - we believe He was entirely literal when He said He would die for our sins so that we may live in heaven for eternity and that all sins can be forgiven but in regards to loving your neighbor as yourself or carry your cross daily, here we begin to change our tune.  We flip flop back and forth to suit our desires.  Interesting.)
8.  I will when I retire and have more free time.
9.  One of my personal favorites - this is just how I am.  (As if the blood of Jesus has no power to change us.)
10.  Next week.  Next month.  Next year.  Next century.

Our parenting is just a symptom of our own spiritual sickness or spiritual health.  We parent with the same expectations or the same excuses we have for ourselves.

However, there will come a day when there are no more excuses, no more reasonings or explanations, there will not be tomorrow or next week or next year ~ we will all face that day before Creator and yes, so will each and everyone of our darling little bundles of joy ~ we would do well to teach our children and teach ourselves of that truth.

I never intended this to be of our parenting or rationales for sin and I fully realize that most quit reading quite awhile ago - most likely when I began the first set of excuses.  So, I will post the other part of this blog another day, maybe you will have forgiven me by then, maybe not, either way the Truth is still the Truth, even when it hurts, and it does hurt, He revealed that to us all on the cross.

Everyone Loves a Good Fry

How does a small fry live obediently and purposefully?  In a cosmic war that rages on for thousands of years ~ as the final battle scenes begin to enter stage left ~ what does a small fry do in obedience to You?  The role is minuscule but is it arbitrary?  Does it serve a purpose?  If small fries have minuscule roles to play is it necessary to play at all?  Or should the small fries gather at the local Starbucks and sip tea and watch cosmic players play out our futures?  What if the cosmic players play in a weakened or delayed state due to their small fries sipping joe rather then slipping words of intercession to the heavenlies?  Is that possible?  Does the small fry have an impact on the whirling wonders of this world?  As we watch headlines we wonder, "What in the world are we to do?"  The globe spins precariously close to implosion and this small fry often asks, "Does the little I do truly matter?"

When I read of Jesus' followers in Iraq or Syria, I feel small and superficial.  Do I really understand this call to carry cross?  Do I grasp what it means to share in the suffering of Christ?  No.  Plain and simple, I do not.  Not in the slightest.  I currently sit and type at our school table, that is housed in a warm and albeit crowded but quite cozy home, that is contained within a military base that is guarded and gated to protect its inhabitants.  I do not know fear of death or violence.  I do not know the sound of my door crashing and splintering to the ground as masked men demand my denial or my death.  My children ride bikes and eat ice-cream and learn scriptures and vocabulary words.  My life is safe.  My life is virtually perfect.  This suffering and sacrifice He speaks of ~ I know precious little.

What is a small fry to do?

Tonight the XO and I were discussing the small fry and his (or her) responsibility to the Biggest of Fry (that may well be entirely irreverent to refer to God as a Fry but I ask you and He to allow for some creative musings) and the conversation turned to my writing.  Many conversations head down that path ~ the black hole path that is my writing.  This is the place where beautiful words and literary masterpieces go to die!  Unfortunately, many conversations wind their tiresome way to my tiresome writing and we typical tire rapidly and switch topics.

Tonight may have been slightly different.  The XO left to say goodnight to all of our small fries and I picked up my Bible (I do have rare moments of genius and they always include the Word and/or the Holy Spirit).

Proverbs 14:23 ~
"In all labor there is profit, but idle talk (chatter) leads only to poverty."

Many here would think of a physical poverty but the true poverty is of a spiritual sort ~ poverty of peace, poverty of purpose, poverty of completion of ideas and revelations.  Our idle chatter leads to poverty and I see that truth lived out in my writing.

However, I also see this truth lived out in our small fry lives.  We idly chatter of the cosmic workings, we discuss the precarious whirling of our world but we do not labor, not the labor of the spiritual sort.  We do not labor in prayer, we do not labor in fasting, we do not labor in giving or going, we do not labor in caring and crying for those caught in the grip of this cosmic war.

ALL LABOR IS PROFIT.

That is the small fries motto - my labor gains profit in the kingdom.

Every hour spent on your knees He sees.  Every forfeited morsel of bread is Spirit led.  It matters and He sees and He cares.

Personally I write.  And it matters.  Personally I pray.  And it matters.  Personally I fast.  And it matters.  Personally I give.  And it matters.  Personally I want to go and when the CO finally says pack your bags, I will.  And it will matter.

I am a small fry and I matter.  You are most likely a small fry, you may not be as small as me but small fry you are as well, and you matter.

You do not matter because you have the potential to be a big fry one day.  You and I matter because we matter to Him.  In this wild and wooly world with cosmic players of the giant kind we matter for He deemed it true at the foundation of time, at the foundation of this wild and wooly world He determined that you and I matter.  We matter to Him. (Ephesians 1:4, 1 Peter 1:20)

And we have a part to play for ALL LABOR IS PROFIT.  So, it is time that the small fries put off idle chatter and set about the labor of the Lord.

A small fry prays a powerful prayer for the kingdom of God lives within us all who call on the name of Jesus (Luke 17:21).

When infused and inspired by the Spirit of God all of our racing and laboring is profitable from this moment to all of eternity.

The Deaf and Hard of Hearing

Isaiah 50:4-5 ~
". . . He awakens me morning by morning, He awakens my ears to hear as the learned.  The Lord God has opened my ear; And I was not rebellious, nor did I turn away."

The last three years have opened blind eyes as I live amongst deaf ears.  Blind eyes that had never seen the devastation of deaf ears.  But, now I see.  I see the stagnated souls, the isolated ill, the hollowed hearts that know no language of love.  When ears empty of all God's grace life becomes a lonely place.  A separated soul is a sad sight to behold, void of meaningful moments of a simple, shared love.  Some deaf ears will defy nature and seek language in a different manner.  Some will stay the isolated ill.  Many have little choice, language is situational unattainable; they live isolated and ill-souled through cruel circumstances.

We so often look at the deaf or the disabled with a mournful, sympathetic eye; but, never stop to recognize that physical malady is often a God-given gift to diagnose our own spiritual maladies.

We must stop, open blind eyes and see that deaf ears abound in far more then the physically disabled.

Deaf ears deaden the absolutely healthy to His language of love and His repeated call to repentance.

Many are not deaf, more akin to hard of hearing ~ we hear the language of love and miss the language of repentance.  "What was that you say?  Oh, I heard of Your great love for ME but that latter was a little mumbled and muffled.  Well, certainly I heard enough of Your great love for ME and I certainly agree, we all should love ME!"  And hard of hearing ears hear partial message.

Many choose not to hear, for with God's grace comes Jesus' cross;  a cross we would rather not bare.

And yet I see the starved souls before my own eyes of deaf ears that desperately need language.  When we do not hear, we perish.  With hearing comes communing and abiding and this is relationship.  And for ALL of us relationship with Jesus is the ONLY Savior for soul sick us.

Every Sunday, countless sit and most will hear in an auditory way and yet, will not truly hear.  We hear only that which we want to hear, we accept that which tickles our ears (2 Timothy 4:3), and if that inner warm fuzzy is not included we reject the words and often mock the message.

We are deaf for sin and deaf for selfism.

We live life void of true Life because we are unwilling to hear.  Oh certainly, we sit in Sunday pew as good Americans know to do.
But we steel our ears,
   for we refuse to hear,
His call to death that is our only hope to spiritual health.

I have seen deaf ears lead to sick souls, in the physical.

Now I see it in the spiritual.

And in the physical, deaf ears may cause loneliness for a time.

But, in the spiritual deaf ears will cause loneliness for ALL of time.  A loneliness that knows only despair and that horrid gnashing of teeth (Matthew 23:42, Luke 13:28).   Those deaf ears lead to an eternal death of all that is good or lovely or pure.  The spiritually deaf face eternity dead to God ~ dead to the only Goodness this world has ever known.

Here we are so bloated, saturated on God's words yet we do not know His language.

It is not about all the many words you heard but never heard (James 1:22).  It is not about where you sit on a Sunday or who your family is.  It is not about the way you vote or the time you raised your hand or walked an aisle.  Dead men walk aisles all over our country.

It is only about complete abandon to our relationship with Jesus.  It is about hearing His words, ALL of them.  The ones of grace and the ones of suffering, the ones of comfort and the ones of sacrifice.  For better or for worse.  And on this globe He promised us it would often be worse, very worse.

You do not want to hear that, I know.  Neither do I.  But, Truth is Truth.  And our eternities are depending upon what we do with that Truth ~ surrender and serve or determine to discard.

Jesus, give ears to hear.

Behold

1 John 3:1 ~ "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on s, that we should be called children of God!  Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

Behold ~ look and see.  

Look unto that which which we do not know and can hardly perceive.

A manner of loving,

   and soul sick hearts are starving,

So my God came, He came carving.

   Carving a place,

in this manner of loving grace,

   a place where soul sick hearts fall into His loving embrace.

We must behold, look unto this love, this manner of love -

   for it is foreign to us,

with our constant selfish lust.

   Ourselves, is our continual fuss.

Us, is what keeps us from knowing,

   this manner of bestowing.

So, writer reminds,

   this love, within us, no man finds.

To behold ~ is an absolute must,

   to rid us of selfish lust,

to stop the continual me fuss.

   His manner of loving, I must simply trust.

A love of unearthly kind,

   this world desperately needs to find.

Beholding,

   is that which writer knows we need - to be knowing.

For this manner of loving, you and I have not the slightest trace,

   it comes only from beholding His lovely face.

Lifer

I do not really remember when it began, or what was the final blow that pushed me over the edge.  But, never the less, over the edge I fell with this one.  This one whose delays are staggering, this one and their incapability steal my breath away, daily.  Not in that, beauty of a majestic mountain, steal your breath away sort of way.  No, not that way at all.  It is more of a, fear and worry begin to squeeze lungs in a death grip, sort of way.  I feel as if I became a lifer.  A life sentence was issued to us.  And not a life sentence as you are thinking ~the life sentence we all expect, of Thanksgiving visits and concerns as they pack their bag for boot camp and too few phone calls home.  No, these are not lifers.  Lifers are ~ I will cook your dinner when you are 50 and I can barely move and I will drive you to your dentist appointment when I no longer have dentist appointments myself because I no longer have teeth!  These are lifers and I have to wonder, did I just join a club that I never saw coming?

But, it happened somewhere, and I stepped over the edge with this one and now whenever I see this one, I feel exhausted, completely exhausted.

Exhaustion.  Fatigue.  That is all I see when I see this one.  Many may say, "Fine, take a nap."  But please understand, there is no amount of naps that can cure a lifers' fatigue.  The exhaustion resonates deep within, you wake up tired and you stay tired.  Tired of a task you can not complete.  Weary of the impossible.

So, I took a step and plummeted deep and I simply stopped trying on behalf of this one.

I have labored under similar burdens before, same story, different name.  But, I quit on this one.  And I told God, "Ok, I will cook and clean and chauffeur and spoon feed this one through life.  But, I will not labor under the burden to teach and hope for a change.  The delays are profound, everything appears to be broken so I will clothe and feed but I am too weary to work for change.  I am a lifer, not a game-changer.  I am tapping out of the game-changing business with this one."

Fortunately, He did not strike me with lightning

To those of you who know the Navy (which is likely only my father and husband) the following will bore you, for everyone else allow me to explain the ranking system around here.

CO ~ Commanding Officer, Most Senior Man, His Word goes, it is Gospel you could say.
XO ~ Executive Officer, 2nd in command, he ensures that the CO's Word is followed and that the rank and file understand and comply.  This of course is my husband.
Senior Chief ~ this is the senior enlisted man on the ground, he is the dirty enlisted (said in love by the officers I am sure), he gets his hands dirty with his men and they stay dirty.  He may be uneducated or unrefined (he may not, each chief is different), he may even be a little rough around the edges but he gets the job done and he takes care of his men, his junior enlisted.  He has thrived on OJT (on the job training) and his years in the field have afforded him wisdom no classroom could offer.  This is me.  Maybe someday my XO will promote me to Master Chief and a little pay increase will be doled out in books, tea and running shoes.

Now you understand our rank structure and our job descriptions have been defined, maybe someday I will explain the structure through the junior enlisted.  I have two leading firsts who will make you cry with their goodness, effort and commitment to this crazy ship we call a home and family.

But, I digress.

My XO had said, "Senior, snap out of it, you never leave a man behind!"  Just kidding, my military euphemisms may have reached their limit.

But, truly the XO has gently encouraged me (gently due to a senior enlists' prone to angry outbursts) to not loose heart and not accept the sentence of lifer without some serious game-changing tactics being employed (aka prayer, fasting, Scripture and due diligence to teaching life skills and believing in the Impossible).  Apparently, God knew what He was doing when He made him the XO and me the dirty enlisted (I jest with the dirty thing).

However, I have continued to resist, exhaustion will make you do stupid things.

I had stepped over the edge with this one and I was not willing to expend the energy to drag myself back up the side of the cliff.

Fine, whatever, I am a lifer.

Yesterday, the hint of Fall cool touched my face and the trees rustled and the breeze blew gently.  It was a moment.

And then the CO said, "Let's talk about this one."

"Oh, come on!  We were having a moment!  Why ruin it with chastisement for my step over the edge!  Let's leave that one be," was my truly profound response.

He simply said, "When you leave it be and nothing changes I get no glory."

Oh my, now this was a moment.

"It is not about you or even this one, it is about Me.  Do it for Me, to glorify Me.  When the game changes and the impossible becomes the Possible then everyone sees Me.  Lift Me up and I will draw them to Me."

The winds shifted and a new breeze blew through my soul and spirit.  And the CO and I had a moment.  A serious moment.

When a shift in the Wind comes then the rank and file need to aline, immediately.

When we stay broken He gets no glory.  When we refuse the hand of the Healer He is not lifted up.  He is a Game-Changer but first, we have to let Him into our game.

What are you unwilling to change?  What addiction haunts you?  What brokenness do you allow to persist?  What sin do you harbor?  What relationships lay in ruin that you refuse to relinquish to Him?

Many do not know that their addiction can be broken or the relationships restored or their broken hearts healed, they have no idea that a Healer named Jesus sits on the sidelines of their life desiring to be brought in for the game changing move.

But, for those of us that know and willingly choose the addiction or depression rather then glorify Christ, I wonder what He will say to us?   And to the countless ones around us who are in desperate need of witnessing the miracles in our life, what will they say to us if we decide for sin rather then freedom?

He receives no glory when we stay broken.

And why is broken chosen rather then whole?

The XO and I have some praying and planning to do for this one because when this broken one becomes His whole one and the name of Jesus is lifted high, I want to be around for that.

Broken becoming whole, that is the race I run today and I pray He grants me the strength to run that race as a lifer.

Do It

I Chronicles 28:19-20 ~ "All this the Lord made me understand by the writing by His hand upon me, all the work to be done according to the plan.  Also David told Solomon his son, 'Be strong and courageous, and do it.  Fear not, be not dismayed, for the Lord God, my God, is with you.'"

He caused me to understand through "the writing by His hand upon me."  His hand writing upon me and causing me to understand and know His plan.

His hand writing on the lives of His people is poetry in its purest form, form of perfection and language of love poured from the heavens above.  Some of us labor under language, attempt to worship with our words and yet a poetry of perfection was already written on the days of my existence.  A language of love that can not be improved upon nor duplicated, it was penned to completion at the foundation of time and I have only to live and breathe under this poetry of perfection.

But, Who can read these words written by the hand of God upon me?  Who can know these words?  None, save the Spirit of God.  In pursuit of this poetry of perfection I read the lines written by the Spirit on my spirit only through the Spirit.

vs 19 ~ ". . . the plans of the Spirit were with him, under the direction of the Lord . . . " (NLT)

To those that would ask how to know the lines of perfect poetry etched onto their days ~ read this alternate rendering of verse 19 with care.  Under.  Under the direction of the Lord.

Obedience ~ in the Greek New Testament ~ hupakoe ~ translates into hupo - under, akouo - to hear.  In literal translation ~ to hear under.  Obedience in the original Greek ~ to hear under.

It was understood by the original reader, the ancient audiences ~ hupakoe, obedience ~ was to them a place of "surrendered listening."  A submitted spirit, a surrendered soul, quietly listening to their Father's words.  Our spirits are to be always under the Spirit, thoughts of self are surrendered.  The instructions we hear, we obey because we have no concerns for our own rights.  Rights.  Entitlements.  Deserved.  We find these as popular words today, highly important to most of us, even in the church.  Yet, Christ Who did not consider it robbery to be equal to God, to He Who being in the form of God did the unthinkable ~ "but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of bond servant, and coming in the likeliness of man.  And being in the appearance of man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross." (Philippians 2:6-9)

God Himself demanded no rights.  No entitlements.  Nothing deserved.  He demanded nothing.  Born into the small, born into humble, born into the stable.  And He was born in obedience, lived in obedience, died in obedience and then lived again and lives on and on in obedience.  And we too live to the degree that we are obedient. 

So, we beg for strength from on high to mirror our Model.  We plead He strips us of pride and then we cry for the grace to withstand the stripping.  For the stripping away will run deep into the inner core of all that you are and it will burn and you will hurt but to those who submit to the stripping away of ugly self find that there is Beauty buried in the pain.  For under the self is Spirit ~ Beauty buried.

And by His hand He writes upon us, He writes words of love and power, words of restoration and anointing, words of forgiveness and wholeness and words of commissioning.  The very hand of God, this moment writes words upon you ~ do you have the courage to sit "under the direction of the Lord?"  Are you ready for "surrendered listening?"

If so, then listen to words of father spoken in counsel to son ~ "Be courageous and strong, and do it.  Fear not, do not be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you." (vs 20)


Do you trust Creator to be more beautiful than creation?

I certainly do, I have lived too many years with ugly self to think anything different.

Surrendered listening gives Light to Beauty buried within.

Do you crave buried Beauty?  Then, be courageous and strong and do it.

Depraved David and Our Prodigal Hearts

Psalm 51:10-13 ~
        "Create in me a clean heart, O God,
            and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
          Do not cast me away from your presence
            and do not take your Holy Spirit from me.
          Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
            and uphold me by your generous Spirit.
          Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
            and sinners shall be converted to You."

Depraved David had slipped and tumbled deep into depths of depravity that even we, we in our immorally crazed society, cast a judgmental eye I upon.

Adultery ~ well, yes, we must admit that is quite common and readily accessible.  But, murder, oh my! And murder of a loyal and faithful friend and warrior.  And the man who had known betrayal from friend and king now dove head first into depravity of the disloyal.  Disloyal to friend and disloyal to God.

And depraved David laments over his sin-sick soul and pens Psalm 51 and the heavens part and merciful God beholds repentant sinner and depraved David is transformed into "a man after His own heart" once again.

And in verse 10 depraved David cries forth words that this depraved heart has whispered and whimpered to the throne of God hundreds, nay, thousands of times.

A depraved heart transformed into clean heart and feeble spirit is grafted into a steadfast Spirit.

A steadfast spirit ~ regardless of circumstances, trails or tribulations, regardless of stresses or difficulties, regardless of all that this world may throw at us our spirits are steady and sure.  Steadfast.  And this is not a thing that we can manufacture or muster, no this steadfast spirit is heavenly gift.  And ALL the saints said amen, for steadfast without Christ we surely are not!

And as promise of Presence and Holy, Holy, Holy Spirit gifted to depraved David and to depraved me, is re-remembered and rejoiced over, then this "man after God's own heart," pens a startling revelation.

"Then I will teach transgressors Your way, and sinners will be converted to You."  (verse 13)

We with previously depraved hearts of stone tell tale of mercy and grace and others are converted, converted to You.

I have some transgressors milling about, certainly a few sinners (which I am the chief) and those whom I love dearly and I worry wildly for.  Worry is a sin I tell myself, but eternity and the thought of some prodigal sons and daughters I know being separated from Him forever living in torment for all of time with no reprieve ~ well, that thought makes me ill and causes me to rise early to plead on their behalf and to forgo a few morsels of bread to beg God to cause them to forgo their sin.

But . . . sinners shall be converted and returned to You.

Oh dear prodigal sons and daughters, you ran from the glory of your Father and now wallow in the muck; what has this world given you?  What has this temporal temptress offered you but fleeting pleasures followed swiftly by loss and pain?

Prodigals, you have not seen the tears I weep over you, and yet my concern does not even touch the degree to which your Father aches for you.

Sons and daughters who have walked away, do you wonder with trepidation what your return would entail?

We with new hearts and gifted steadfast spirits are given this terribly awful privilege, so to prodigals and transgressors I pen my own version of this glorious Gospel we live ~

I tell you emphatically and with absolute certainty that no concern is necessary, for your homecoming promises to show Father so sweet.
For Father grabs robes about His feet,
and gleefully dashes to you to meet.
The Word tells us of one moment true,
when our Father runs, and He runs to you!
You have spent years far from His path,
for temporal, temptress lied, yes, she surely hath.
But now, you must stop your selfish roam,
and return to your Father's home.
Leave the muck and the mire,
do you not of the pigs finally tire?
A grudge, our Father does not hold,
and after all these years, you, He will gladly mold,
into the image of the One,
Jesus Christ, God's only Son.

Goodbyes

I barely remember a time that was lived out anywhere other than here.  This place that has seen five years of family days and this place that housed our seemingly exponential growth.  This place and these people who have watched and prayed as our families' growing pangs made us cry out in anguish, how do you say goodbye?

And a house does not make a home but these walls have welcomed not a few precious many and as this place filled with Divine Presence this house certainly became home and entirely Holy.  Hallow ground where Father made sons and daughters from broken orphans and when I count broken orphans treading hallow ground to eternal adoption I count not five but certainly eleven.  How do you say goodbye to holy home?

I know as surely as God filled this space and house became home and home became holy and holy home housed hurting orphans, He will fill the space in our new place.  We journey to a holy home and I do not know and cannot understand but He foretold of our journey to be.  And He has gone before and prepared the way.  But, how to say goodbye to holy home that housed their homecoming?

And who could have foretold God in this place and who could have seen God's grace in this space.  If one had dared to tell how our lovelies of four would multiply to nine I surely would have scoffed for how could I know of God in this place. For five years ago it was just another Navy move and we packed bags and said our goodbyes and sojourned to this sleepy seaside town and knew nothing of our waiting five.  Five years for five children.  And we have certainly learned how to live for another in this holy place.  How do you say goodbye to five years lived for five children?

To our family back on eastern shore ~ our family grew and we cracked under the strain and yet you believed.  We stumbled and fell time and time again yet your faith in faithful God became solid ground to place our shaky, quaky feet upon.  Our family multiplied and we broke and you prayed and we cried and you fasted and we ran dry on love and you loved us still and you loved us through.  Loved us through the hard and loved us through the ugly.  You prayed.  You fasted.  You believed.  You loved on and on and on.

We appeared at church with missing shoes and mismatch socks, hair afright and surely a rag tag sight but you smiled all the same and told us we were beautiful.  Beautiful.  When in reality beautiful is a body of believers who loves a family through the hard, through the ugly.  You were beautiful.  You are beautiful.  Christ's bride ~ a thing of true beauty.

~

Family along the easternly shore you will be so proud to hear that we arrived at new place of worship with eleven pairs of feet donned in eleven pairs of shoes and hair tamed to only a slight roar and we were not mismatch in the slightest!  This new place has no idea what you endured with us ~ they see the polished version but you, you loved the dull and dirty version.  Beautiful.

How do you say goodbye to a people who loved you through the dull, loved through the dirty?

I have no answers, except to trust the One who brought us to His beautiful bride on those easternly shores.  Our only Answer is to trust that our sojourn is sovereign and that our path is placed before us for a purpose, His purpose.

And in truth we never really say goodbye for Spirit transcends space and our earthly place and He is not trapped by time.  Those of us who call Him home reside in a place that defies this temporal space.  We live and move and have our being in Him ~ our beings are eternally united in Jesus Christ so no goodbye will ever be necessary.

And now I do not know what to say or how to close, save to say we thank you and we love you ~ entirely, eternally, and in absolute totality ~ we love you.


                                                                                                        ~  The Ruppels

Marked By God

"It is better to be marked by God than marketed by man,"  I heard Christine Caine say.  Marked by God.

Jesus did not self-promote.

Isaiah 42:2 ~ "He will not cry out, nor raise His voice, nor cause His voice to be heard in the street."

He did not need to, He was decidedly marked by God ~ Isaiah 42:1 ~ "Behold, My Servant whom I uphold, My Elect one in whom My soul delights!  I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles."

He was a quiet sort but when He spoke it was of His Father's business.  Always about His Father's business.  What am I about?

He was a quiet sort and yet, His comparatively few words revolutionized our entire world.

We ramble and we babble and accomplish precious little; words, words, words, so many empty, futile words.

But, His words are such a stark contrast to our words.  Why?  Because, Jesus did not self promote and He always spoke His Father's business.

Jesus did not come to sell  the world on His story or convince us of His glory.  Jesus is God.  He does not need our approval, He is not concerned with how He stands in the polls, and He will not engage in some cosmic popularity contest.  He is God and we are man.  He did not "cry aloud in the streets" because He is Creator and we are creation.

His Words were not weapons wielded to amass fame, fortune or fans.  His Words were weapons wielded to glorify His Father and bring life to a dying world.

My arsenal of weaponry words, how is it wielded and what is yielded?  Glory to Father, giving life or glory to self, amassing death?

I have waged war with many weapons of words intent on the wrong victor ~ the words have been wielded for me.

Repentance is needed for words of self.

Matthew 12:34 ~ " ... For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
 ~this heart surely has an abundance of self and I have a litany to show for it.

Brood of vipers.  Much repentance is needed.

And His Words were about His Father's business, always.

Matthew 12:36 ~ "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give an account of it in the judgment day."

Selah.

And I open my mouth to speak and again I am stunned into silence by the gravity of "every idle word.'

Why an account for idle words?  Some cruel celestial game of punishment aimed at our tiny, trivial minds?  No, an account because time is short, a harvest is coming, and our Master was always about His Father's business because He loved the world that much to waste no words on idle chatter.

Do we love this dying, spinning globe with its fallen humanity to stop all the idle chatter and be about the fields of white?

The harvest is coming and the workers are few, for idle chatter and words of self flow rapidly from far too many of His people.  And the few who surrender words and die to idle chatter and words of self are so harshly judged and tossed aside.  For they stand as silent words spoken in testimony of our words of self.

But, "every idle word" we will answer for.

Selah.

Unsearchable

Psalm 145:3,5
"Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable.
I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty,
And on Your wondrous works."

We search for the unsearchable, we attempt to fathom the unfathomable.  We long to gaze on a Light unapproachable.  We follow hand after a Splendor we cannot comprehend.  And yet, in the knocking we know the door shall be opened and in the seeking we shall find.  The impossibility of the unsearchable, the unfathomable, the incomprehensible, and the unapproachable becomes entirely possible.  And mortal bodies defy all realms of possible and they house the immortal; mortal bodies house the unsearchable, unfathomable, incomprehensible, and the unapproachable.  For those whom hath believed, believed on the Lord Jesus Christ ~ He has done the unfathomable and He has has allowed broken earthen vessels to house the Unapproachable Light.  Two questions remain unforeseen ~ will we slow and come to a stop, will we silence all the sin of world and certainly sin of self and continually turn to the Unapproachable Light within?  And through each break, each crack in this earthen vessel will we joyfully and steadfastly allow the Unapproachable Light to pour through on darkness all around?  It is readily possible to stop up the breaks and cracks and keep Light penned up inside ~ we do this through complaining, resisting and grumbling our way through the breaks and cracks He sends our way.  Cracks are sealed with our selfish ways that refuse to allow the breaks to bathe Light on a broken world.

Revelation 1:16
"... and His face was like the sun shining in full power at midday."

Numbers 6:25
"The Lord made His face to shine upon us ..."

This Unapproachable Light took on form of man and He made Himself entirely Approachable.  And the Son that shines as midday sun shines upon us and in us.  Light of bright sky shines upon and shines within and this Light is ours to hold and to give.

To hold in our hearts so easily dimmed
by darkness that creeps within.
To hold in heart and to hold in hand,
to continually against darkness take our stand.
Through our broken earthen vessel,
Light pours forth in this cosmic wrestle,
Against dark Light rages war,
but take heart for it will not be forever more.
No, certainly our Morning Star,
has won victory near and far.
And on glorious final day
ALL will prostrate lay
and words of praise they will say.
However, for today,
Morning Star spills through our lives of shattered clay.
On sad and hurting He desires to spill,
on lost and empty He pleads to fill.
Dare we say,
on this day,
we give to You this shattered, earthen clay.
There is no better way,
for Only the Unapproachable Light,
can take our deep, dark night,
and through cracks of clay pour forth His glorious might.

Pilgrimage

Psalm 84:5 ~  "Blesses is the man whose strength is in You.  Whose heart is set on pilgrimage."

My children love hotels (or at least the 6 who have stayed in one).  Love hotels.  Love the TV (which we do not watch at home).  Love the indoor pool (which we certainly do not have at home).  Love the continental breakfast, cereal to be exact (which we only have on Sundays at home).  Love sleeping on floors (which floors we do have at home), go figure.

We have a lovely home that God has blessed us with and amazingly enough all of us have our own bed, with our own sheets that hundreds upon thousands of strangers have not slept on!  We have all the things that we are in need of and none of it has to be crammed into a bag at home.  We have a kitchen with plenty of food and we do not ALL have to share one bathroom at home.  So, why the love of hotels?

Truly, we can ask ourselves the same question ~ so, why the love of this world?  It is not our home, so why do we crave its ways and luxuries?  It is not home, our Dad is not at home here.

Why do most of us prefer a cup of coffee in a plastic cup rather then a mug from home?  Or food prepared from another's kitchen while surrounded by a crowd of strangers?

Why do we love things that are not of our Home?

While the answers do vary there is a common thread throughout them all ~ fast, easy, exciting, new, tasty and expensive.

The common thread ~ they feed our flesh, our lower nature, they satisfy body and we willingly disregard spirit.

1 Peter 2:11 ~  "Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles (in this world) to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul."

But . . . blessed is he whose heart is on pilgrimage.  A heart headed home is one He will bless.  A heart that has slowed and heard the call of his Father and a heart that has stilled and tasted the sweet of his Eternal Home, truly, this is heart blessed.

A heart that sojourns continually, a soul that settles on only his Eternal Home.  The one who knows he is a pilgrim whose True Kingdom transcends all that we can know or fathom, he is blessed.

He will not settle for belongings crammed in a bag, slumbering on sheets shared by an untold sum, he does not want coffee in a disposable cup or food prepared by an unknown.  No, he will not settle in this foreign land, in this imposter home; he yearns for the final tick-tock that sends him to his Holy Hearth.  And, until then, his heart cannot be at rest, it wanders and sojourns and races patiently Home.

Certainly it is not an aimless wander, for the pilgrim knows that while he is an alien in this strange land there is still much to be done.  The Father sent His Son to this unsettled land to tell the tale of Land True, to live amongst the natives, and offer residence in the Realm of Grace.  And Son came, and tale was told, and story unfolded, and many of this strange land sold all that they had to gain this Land True.  And these that followed Son True began this pilgrimage Home, their hearts cried "Hurry!  Take us to this Holy Home!"  And as they trekked they told the tale of their Land True and others would join and their hearts would sojourn Home.

So, for a sliver of time wander we must but wander to wanton one and to the wayward soul and tell of Wonder of our Home.

Fast approaches the day when all those who pilgrimage will be gathered Home.  And around the Holy Hearth not a few tales will be told when a wanderer won the wanton soul and we all will glory at the Wonder of us all.  Holy Hearth burns brightly of His glory in our Holy Home.  And not a tear will fall or a heart be in need of travel for the final tick-tock will have carried us all home to our Eternal Home.

Here we must ask ~ is our heart on pilgrimage?  Are we constantly desiring for things not of this world or have we settled down quite contentedly in this foreign land?  Do we yearn for our Other World or just more of this world?  Is our desiring truly for Him or just a peace and an ease here and now?  For if we truly pilgrim then the ways of this foreign land will be vile to our senses and we will find an unsettling in our soul until He gathers us Home.

A stranger in a land an alien is entirely just that ~ strange.  Are you strange in this land?  Am I an alien to all around?  We should be a peculiar people, consecrated and certainly weird.  Never quite settled, always eyes on the skies, never on what is around.  Weird.  Strange.  Peculiar.  Does that describe us?  I am afraid we are far more settled in this land than we care to notice.  We care primarily for things of this foreign land ~ their foreign gods (money, success, safety, luxury, and beauty), their foreign appetites (food, drink, vices, and entertainment), their foreign thoughts (lust, greed, rage, and selfism), and our hearts are not sojourning, they are settling right here in this foreign land.

But, blessed is he whose heart is set on pilgrimage . . . 

We must wrestle our hearts from this foreign land and their hell-bound foreign gods and fix our eyes on our Eternal home.

He never intended for us to be comfortable here.  If you are comfortable, then you have a problem.

Today I raced.  I raced home and I made bread in this foreign land and I raced home.  Today, I taught Pre-Algebra in this alien world, but my heart was pilgrimming on.  Today, I washed towels and I asked Him again, "To please wash our hearts clean," and I traveled home.  Today, I trudged under this daily sun and I spoke to my Eternal Son and He guided me onward and upward.  Regardless of our day, we must be vigilant and diligent to wrest hearts from this wayward world and fix hearts on their Home.

A slice of time that determines our eternities.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  You are not home.  Do not be lulled into the slumber of the dead by the methodical sway of this wanton world.  For the slumber of the dead will awaken with a start at their final tick-tock to a damned eternity.  You are not home, but you must now choose your home.

Race on and race up.

In the Spirit

This one is for you Uncle Jim.  Thank you.

Galatians 6:9 ~ "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season, we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Someone had prayed those words over us, Will and I, and internally I cringed.  Weary?  Yes, certainly.  Lose heart?  Well, maybe that too.

Understand it was not on some large scale, no, my bags were not packed for Mexico. But . . .
I was weary and my heart, it seemed awfully dirty.

I waged war on weariness but I had a sinking feeling that I was losing.  Slowly, almost microscopically, a moment here and an hour there.  A minor defeat today.  A slight slip yesterday.  Creeping doubt crawling through my mind.

No one-way to ticket to Mexico.  Yet.  But, weary I surely was.

He prayed that scripture and I cringed.  That can't be right.

I admitted to the Spirit what He already knew, that this Mama was on a slippery slope.

Spirit spoke softly, "Maybe you ought to study that scripture a little closer."

It felt as rebuke, I was weary because my knowledge of scripture was shaky.  Great.  Weary and scripturally unsound.  Great.

Spirit patiently reminded that He was my Dearest Friend, He only corrects so His Spirit and mine can connect.

I opened the Word and quickly observed the verse before ~ vs. 8 ~ "For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life."

My Dearest Friend said, "You grow weary and lose heart for you sow to the flesh and corruption is reaped."

He walked me through a typical day and illuminated many places of flesh sowing.  A thought (or two or twenty) here, a word there, idle time, luxury and comfort craved, rest and relaxation sought, judgmental ways, appeasing king stomach and He continued on but I will spare you the boring details.  It was quite a thorough list I must admit.

It is an ongoing battle, one that has been waged on and in the lives of countless believers ~ the war against the flesh.  And for centuries our Enemy has aided and abetted our fleshy ways.  Our Enemy does detest a believer active and communing with the Spirit of God.  A believer continually sowing to flesh and reaping corruption in life, family and ministry is far easier to tolerate.  So, he sets about his ways to distract and deter and determinedly convince us that this "habit" is only natural and that this "desire" is certainly deserved and entirely we all need some luxury now and then.  And we steadily and habitually sow to flesh and reap corruption in body, soul and spirit.  For if he can not keep us from salvation he will fix his sights on weary and a heart lost.

It is time we take stock for time is surely short and as we wallow in our weariness souls slip into his abyss.  Take stock, make note ~ all day and everyday and where you sow to flesh repent and pour your spirit into His Spirit.

The fields are white ~ a harvest is coming . . .

Do you want your family, your friends to be gathered in as grain?  Or thrown into the furnace as chaff?  A harvest is coming . . .

What of those distant lands or your own hometown?  A harvest is coming, the fields are white.

What of your own heart?  Ezekiel tells us of our hearts of stone and our desperate need for a heart of flesh.  Where will your heart fall in the harvest?  A harvest is coming . . .

Sowing to flesh or sowing to Spirit, how do we know?  A simple question to ask yourself ~ does this have an eternal worth?  If yes, then sow away, sow time, energy, money and skill.  If not, then you know it is temporal and our mortal bodies are fleeting and passing away and if you sow there know that the Word promises corruption.

The words spoken to your child?  Your spouse?  Do they serve eternally or burn in the fires of temporal?  The hours spent in front of TV or Facebook or any of our other past times?  Eternal or temporal?  The food we eat, the money we spend, the thoughts rattling around in your head?  Eternal or temporal?

Everyday and all the time ~ we choose ~ sow to flesh and reap corruption or sow to the Spirirt and reap everlasting life.

I had to take stock and answer the Holy Spirit ~ was my weariness product of His call in my life or my choices to sow to flesh?  And with minor, slight adjustments and small decisions I determined to sow to Spirit habitually.  Would it surprise you to hear that I regained heart?  Of course not, for you know as I that the Word of God is Truth and as we breathe in Truth we live it out in reality before a broken humanity.  The Mystery of the Gospel, the Unspeakable , Unfathomable Goodness of Grace walked out on earth ~ but, that is another blog isn't it?!

A race craving Life, Life for me and Life for them so I remind myself continually I must race in the Spirit.

The Doors are Locked and Barred

John 20:19-23 ~  "On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”   After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.  Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.  If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

". . . when the doors were locked for fear of the Jewish leaders. . ." ~ I too know how to shut a few doors, I too know the steady drumming of the fear marching my way.  Dog the doors and seal the hatches, I see a storm brewing and it has fear raining down in torrents.  "Fear of the Jews . . ."  Wait, were not the Jews their own people?  Their own family?  Yes, I know that fear too.  In fact, I scramble somewhere between fear of the loss of family and fear of the needs of my family on a constant continuum.

They were hiding.  I was hiding.

And then He shocked me because He came, Jesus came!  Not after we cleaned our act up and threw open the doors wide but in the midst of our fear, of my trembling ~ Jesus came.

"Jesus came and stood in the midst of them. . . "  ~ He saw the fear and stayed there, and He stayed here. He did not turn away in disgust at my shut doors and fearful ways.

Jesus came and Jesus stayed and then Jesus spoke ~ "Peace, be with you,"  and then again, "Peace to you!"  He spoke Peace.

"Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord."  His people are glad at the seeing, the seeing of scarred hands open wide.  Glad at the seeing.  Not glad at the getting of things or power.  Simply glad at the seeing . . . at the seeing of their Lord.

And Peace again ~ "Peace to you!  As the Father has sent Me, I also send you."

He speaks peace not simply for us but for all of them.  Peace, for all them, for he will surely send us out to exactly our them.  Peace given, Peace spoken, not merely for our own edification, but in preparation for the mission.

And at the saying the breathing and, "He breathed on them, and said, 'Receive the Holy Spirit.'"

He spoke Peace and He breathed Spirit, He breathed life into them.

The order is unmistakeable ~

     - Us, bound behind closed doors, chained in sin and full of fear of them.

     -  Jesus came and stood in the midst, there in the middle of our fear.

     -  He spoke peace and His people were glad at the seeing . . . 

     -  And then came the mission, their grand commission ~ the sending by Him, out to all of them.

     -  Breathe now the breath of Life, Spirit given to the previously scared and hidden.

Words then spoken of forgiveness, given only freely through the breath of the Spirit.  We can truly forgive once we have been forgiven and then our lungs fill full of Breath's Life.

I was so scared, long days and hard nights,

  and no answers in sight.

Warred heavy and weary, terrified of the next fight.

Doors were locked and barred,

  and my heart scourged and scarred.

I laid low and I laid bare,

  and He heard every prayer.

Softly He called, "Do not let your mind roam,

  you are almost home."

Then He led me to these words of John,

  and they soothed as heavenly balm.

As aswer to my prayer,

  He is in the midst of every last tear,

He catches them all,

  He guides them as they fall,

He counts them sweet,

  as they slide off my cheek,

and they pool at His feet.

He breathes,

  and my feeble lungs heave,

and life pours in,

  and He prepares me for my them.

It is not just one moment grand,

  but many faithful moments on which I stand.

He, in the midst of every moment,

  and I, continual breathing of Life as I am sent.

For now, He does not send me to some distant land,

  No, my them are always right at hand.

Just a slight walk down the hall,

  at their constant call.

But, close as them may be,

  Sent, is surely me.

Into my fear, "Peace" speaks He,

  and His Spirit I do breathe. 

I race not far, just down the hall but Peace He gives all the same.  The order is clear, our mission simple ~ we are all sent and moment by moment in this sending we must hear His words of Peace and His Spirit receive.

Something Other

You see I became Mom rather young (18 to be exact) and early years spent in worry and fear gave way to a Mom who only knows role as protector and care giver.  As Mom so young I do not remember a life before protector.  And now as the years have passed and my little, she has grown and they have multiplied into the nine I now call mine, all I have known is protector and their care giver.

I labor under their needs and bleed under their pain and think of myself as no other but their Mother.

I trudged this morning and prayed for their needs and begged Him to stop up the bleeds.  I said aloud, "I know You are their true Father, Giver of life and good gifts.  Please pour good gifts and protect our precious nine."

And quiet voice whispered, "You know Mother, I am Father to another.  You forget all too often that I do not think of you as Mother to nine, but a precious daughter of Mine."

He stopped me cold in my tracks, an argument started to fly but He silenced me with, "Please, do not try.  For remember you were daughter to Me long before the nine had came to be and daughter to Me you will always be, from now until eternity."

And for once the argument I did not allow to fly, and I ran on lighter and certainly faster, for you see I am not just protector but a loved daughter.

And to a young single Mom who became an old battle, worn Mother of nine the knowledge that He does not see me "as just their Mom," who can be expended or maybe even erased for them but He sees me as His own daughter, it is certainly heavenly knowledge to me.  Daughter that can pour out for the love of her nine but daughter who can not be erased from her Father's mind.  This knowledge came as life to soul as breath is to lungs.

Even now, I sit and marvel,
    You think of me as something other,
then the nine's mother,
    You love me, simply for me,
tired and worn as I may be.

I raced on and I raced home knowing that I will certainly tire,
   as we trudge through the muck and the mire,
But now, a gentle knowing that my Father's love,
   pours out in buckets from above.
And, He lovingly reminds, "not just on the precious nine,
   but eternally on you ~ beloved daughter of Mine.
And you little daughter, will be loved throughout all of time."

Bunyan's Rhymes for a Weary Mind

I had struggled, as I had written,
    so many words, yet, so few smitten.

It is an art, a craft; my craft,
    to walk away would certainly be daft.

I read his words; a silly rhyme?
    No, for truly, Bunyan's rhymes,
had stood the test of tyme.

And as Bunyan rhymed,
    he reminded this weary mind,
That there was a Book of a certain kind,
    The likes to which another we can not find.

A Book of Poetry,
  A Book of Allegory,
    A Book of Mystery,
That spans the pages of History.

His Words are Art,
    they made whole my heart.

Art, is love in motion;
    music or words running fluid as the ocean,
Telling the tale of His love throughout all of creation.

That Good

Bundled against the cold in old and worn layers upon layers I stepped near water's edge.  Early morning run, fighting against melancholy thoughts to just stay tucked under covers.  But, I layered up knowing that moving muscles and lungs grasping for more clean air strengthens not just bodies but spirits as well.

Sun, half - cracked up beyond the river's run, hues ablaze with dawn's morning light ~ a sight for sore and tired eyes.  Beauty beheld by the blustering and blundering runner.

Question.  What did I do to deserve this ~ Your glorious hues and to watch Your rising Sun?

Answer.  You did nothing, it is just because I love you.

Seriously ~ He is just that Good.

I turned to run on, internal warmth of the Holy Fire kind burning throughout when a quick movement caught my eye.  And there they were, those arching graces paired in kind, rolling through the rolling river.  Sleekly sliding up to catch His breath's air, rolling under with simple slide back to water's deep.  There they were and there I was and far more perceptible then either I or they was He and He was certainly there.  He was there long before these tired feet ran their tired tread and long before these ancient beauties arched high and dove deep, long before, He was there.

And in that moment, in any moment, I am only truly there to the degree that I find Him there.

When I wonder at this whirling wicked world it is easy to lose Him there, lose Him here, which is why He tells us time and time again not to wonder at the ways of this wicked world but only to wonder at the ways of our God.

Here is arching graces breaking water's surface set to the back drop of dazzling hues ablaze.

What is it there?  Where you are?
      A white winter's drift or the loud laughter of little voices muffled behind their winter bundling.
      A gentle breeze that stirs the night air or the great light of our night shining full and bright.
What is it where you are?  It is everywhere and all around and tells the tale of God True, He is there and He is here and He is everywhere.

His Presence indwells in a place and we call it Holy but first we must recognize Him.

Some may say that He shows us in small and subtle signs but truth be told there is nothing small nor subtle about a rising star, a sun breaking light on the horizon bathing all in light ~ no, not small or even a little subtle.

And yet somehow the repetitive wonder of this rising star allows our spirits to deaden to the wonder and the awe.  Our Enemy preys on our feeble senses and attacks our propensity to the mundane and we wallow and waddle through life, heads down, feet dragging completely blind to the glorious Light all around.  Our worlds are small and our vision narrow, we only see the material and ignore the eternal.

But, everyday His mercies are new and in gentle ways He nudges us past the material to see the eternal.  And bright and early His Sun rises again to remind again that the Other Son had done that too.

Regardless of circumstances, regardless of this dark world the bright Son rises anew for me and for you.  And when we stop and call a place, a space Holy then the moment comes to life and we become as those ones who arch high and find His life's breath.  We name Holy and lungs fill full, full of Him.

They rolled on, breaking surface again and again and I rolled on and broke surface as well.  I broke through the surface of the material and breathed heavy of the eternal.

Truly.  He is just that Good.

Race on and name Holy - Holy and brake through.


Romans 1:20 ~ "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they were without excuse."

The Great Overshadowing ~ Day 11 (Posted only a few days late)

Revelation 21:5 ~ "Then He Who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.'  And He said to me, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.'" 

In this new thing, this Great Overshadowing, just 11 days in I feel, well . . . tired, old and certainly not new.  "All things new . . . " ~ yet, I am old and tired and the bad habits and the issues ~ well, they certainly are old and very tired.  So, where does that leave me?  It appears that it leaves me as just the same old problematic me.

Day 11 ~  Goal ~ to live a life overshadowed greatly by God, I seem to have failed at that too.  Awesome.

I read the above scripture again ~ "And He said to me, 'Write for these words are faithful and true.'"  I rewind a few words back, "all things new . . ." but God remember, my goal, this overshadowing, and day 11 and already failure.  Not new, same old messed up me, rarely get anything right for more than, oh say, an hour!  He rewinds me a few more words, "He Who sat on the throne," and there it is, my 35 year old problem, I tend to look at me ~ my accomplishments, my failures, my desires, my feelings.  Me.  My.  Problem.

What if the great overshadowing means just this ~ it is truly not about me and all about Him?

Truth be told, this great overshadowing, seems well, like maybe perfection.  Perfection.  Finally!  I will finally run the marathon, write the book, drop the extra 5 lbs (ok 10 lbs), never snap at a child, memorize scripture like my life depended on it (it quite possibly does), return all phone calls and emails, live on lentils and fruit, meet every need with a cheerful smile, never over sleep the 5am wakeup call to prayer and NEVER start a fight with my husband just because I am grumpy and feel like being a pain.

Day 11 ~  I see a problem, the Great Overshadowing was still just about me ~ I was just now going to be a perfect me!  With God's help of course.

But, what if?  What if?  The Great Overshadowing results in none of the above, what if?  What will I do if I gain 10 more lbs, do not write a book, log 5 miles a week instead of 40 miles, meet needs slightly begrudgingly, and continue to irritate my husband with my "call to war" just because I am grumpy.

God would not do that.  Says who?  God is God, it is His prerogative ~ He may like me just fine as a pudgy, non - book writing, non - read writer, slow and low mileage runner, obnoxious wife and mother (maybe He is trying to teach my family patience) and maybe He is using me to keep the candy/ice cream companies in business.  Who knows?  And what if?  What if on the other side of this year I am less impressive to you (and honestly to me) but more impressive to Him?  What if the world categorizes me as a failure but He calls me a success?

What if the overshadowing does not make me a perfect version of me?  It just makes me more of His?

Day 11 ~  I have to answer honestly, will I be ok with that?

Day 11 ~ YES

So, if over the next 354 days you notice I am more of a hot mess then normal, don't judge.  I am just trying to figure out this whole ~ stop looking at me and start looking at ~ "He Who sits on throne" thing and to be quite frank, that does not come easy to me.  No, not at all.

2014 ~

Drop 10 lbs ~ my babies have only been home for 4 months, it is my adoption 10, don't judge.
Run a marathon ~ don't hold your breath, you may pass out.
Forsake sugar ~ well now, that would not be fair to all the Blue Bell employees now would it?
Never snap at a child ~ I really should work on that but in all fairness there are 9 of them!
What else?  Oh right, the book ~ maybe we already have enough books, maybe, just maybe we have too many books since the only needed Book was already written.

Maybe at the end of 2014 the world will call me a failure but what if He says, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  That "what if" is certainly enough for me.


 

The Great Overshadowing

Luke 1:35 ~ "Then the angel of the Lord said to her, 'The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you . . ."

In the quiet trust of a young girl the Most High found the home He sought for His Son and for Himself.  In her quiet frame crafted from dust and his age old bone (Gen. 2:22) He found a place to dwell and in His dwelling there is truly an overshadowing and young mother is lost in the wonder of it all and remade by the Savior of us all.  The wonder of that ~ to have the power of Most High God overshadow your all!

I cannot imagine, I cannot fully understand and yet, I hear a familiar sound, a tune sung from our fathers of faith.  We have heard it before and Mary not only hears, but believes, and not only believes but lives the ancient truth ~

Psalm 91:1 ~ "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide (remain stable and fixed) under the shadow of the Almighty."

Mary dwelled in the secret place of the Most High.
   Mary knew the secret of her Most High God ~ He was not only Savior but rest in the battle as well.

Out of power and shadow come Miracle Babe but in that power of that awesome Shadow is also . . . our home.

You know . . . I write to myself.  This overshadowing, this is my Home.  This is my Breath.  This is my Bread.  This is my Life.  I write to myself.

Blessed mother knew Truth to bless this mother ~ He will overshadow those who will abide . . . there is a secret place I can rest and hide.

Again, I write to myself ~
   The Shadow of the Almighty,
      will not always fit into our box so tidy,
   He will not be cover,
     for only what I choose and ignore the other,
   I cannot some sin keep,
     And expect to dive into the Almighty's deep.
   It is a moment by moment chance,
     to dance the Almighty's dance,
   I choose death to sin,
     that I may live to Him,                                   (Romans 6:7-8)
   Regardless of circumstance,
     I gladly choose my Maker's dance.

In the shadow of the Most High ~ we are lost, lost to sin and lost to self.  He will not allow a partial covering, covering of sickness but ignore the sin.  We cannot pick and choose that which we will allow Him to cover, this is not a game of percentages ~ it is either everything or nothing.

As I run towards my halfway mark, race to my home and the sun beats hot and the blistering pavement heats through the soles to my soul and the sweat and the tears pool an inch thick ~ every runner knows the heat of the day ~ at this place and in this space I must make a choice.  Stay out in the blistering sun, keep my sin and my grumbling and race hot in the sweltering or choose His shade, lay the sin down for the sun to bake and all the grumbling for my Savior to take and run and race in His eternal grace.

Blistering heat or Mighty Oak Shade?  Every good runner knows ~ run lite and run to the Shade.

Race on, Race Home.  And let 2014 be the Year of the Great Overshadowing ~ let it be Lord.