I suppose . . .

John 21:25 ~ "Jesus did many other things as well.  If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

John ~ the disciple whom Jesus loved.

What would it be?  Could you imagine?  To lay upon His chest, to feel the rhythmic beat of the heart of God.  To feel the flesh that encases the Word that spoke the expanse into existence.  To lay ear to the literal heart of God.  What would that be?

I can not imagine.

But, this one whom was so greatly loved, he did just that.  John, the beloved one ~

     he laid his weary head upon His chest,
      he lounged upon Jesus' breast,
     for he rightly knew his own deep need for rest.

And he was the one whom Jesus much loved for he knew where to secure his eternal rest and as weary child this grown man laid a tired head upon this chest.  And Jesus felt much love for this weary child hiding in the hulk and the bulk of that man skin that regardless of size still aches and quakes for his Father.

So, tired child laid weary head and took no thought or concern for what was being said. 

And he was much loved, much loved.

And the one that laid human ear to heavenly heart, what did he hear?

I suppose . . .
  the wonderful tales are too many to every be told,
     and the magnificent stories this world could never hold,
 
And now, I too suppose . . .
  that His tales will surely be told,
     as His majesty unfolds,
  and maybe this world can not hold,
     but surely the heavens have told,
  for His glory makes them so bold . . .

And the books of His tales will line the shelves of His heaven and maybe one day the beloved will walk with me and talk with me and tell me, "of the time when Jesus . . . and then that book over there, well that is . . . and this is one of my favorites . . . and oh, over there . . . "

And I suppose . . .
   
     becomes what I know . . .

       and I race home towards that which I know.


(John 21 and John 13)

Just This One Thing . . .

Just this One thing I have desired, just One.  That singular thing which I seek ~

  That all my days I may dwell in the house of the Lord, to behold and to know the beauty of the Lord, and     that all my inquiries are presented in Your temple.

Forgive me for the times I have desired another.

Just this One thing ~ all the days of my life.  But . . .

Can I dwell in the house of the Lord as I sojourn in a lost and dying land?

Can I behold His beauty when the ugly truth of sin and separation from God surrounds me and sometimes I think I may even succumb.

All my days spent in His temple when we live amidst the lost and the hurting?  My existence existing in Him when sin still so easily ensnares me?

I have wondered, I have sought answers to these questions and He has answered.  All my wandering days spent in His temple?  Trodden on earthly feet amongst His dwelling?

Yes, surely ~ for I know His Truth that the kingdom of God is within, within this soul still so easily ensnared.  The temple within in this grimy, broken earthen vessel.

Luke 17:21 ~ " . . . For behold, the kingdom of God is within you." 

The Pharisees had questioned Him yet again, another earthly trap and Jesus replies with a heavenly answer . . . "the kingdom of God is within you."  And that changes everything, His words always change everything.  Every situation, every encounter, every relationship, absolutely, positively everything!  Everything is changed once we hear this Truth, once we become this living, breathing reality of His words.  Terrifyingly awesome!  The kingdom of God is within me, astonishing, simply astonishing.  That every adopted brother and sister in Christ, every forgiven and redeemed and prior orphan has an astonishing Truth that he bears witness to on this spinning globe.  The kingdom of God is within!  And all the power, and all the majesty, and all the glory, and all the encouragement, and all the wisdom and all that He is, the Alpha and the Omega, the Great and Morning Star ~ He abides within . . . me and within you if you know Him as Lord and Savior.  And everything changes and just this One thing that I have desired ~

Psalm 27:4 ~ "One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek;
                         That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
                           To behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple."

Certainly now this One desire becomes all the more probable and certainly promised in light of our Savior's words ~ I am within you. 

So then, what keeps us from this constant dwelling in His house?

All the other desires.

The desire for success and stability, for relationships that satisfy self, deep desires of greed (which the Word rightly calls idolatry ~ Colossians 3:5 and Ephesians 5:5), the longing for more and the climb up the rungs of this selfish ladder, the need to self promote and the drive to others ~ demote, the desires for more family or less family, the cravings of worldly beauty to obtain and then possess and then consume this counterfeit beauty.  All the desires of self ~ to be known, to be understood, heard, seen appreciated, valued and taken care of and the list goes on and on.  And they sound all too familiar to me and the list flows off finger tips like running water for I have known them all.

And yet, the only One desire we can pursue is NOT desire of self but desire for the One Who created that self.

And as the desires save that One, clear away a light dawns bright and beauty we do behold ~ a beauty past the pain, a beauty through the pain, and a beauty in the pain.

Only this One thing will do ~ to be in His presence today and forevermore.

Races are run and lost by the burden of unnecessary weight ~ burdens of selfish desire run us ragged and run us down and run us low to a depth of darkness no man should go.

Runners who run in Spirit and in Truth run lite with a singular focus ~ the One true desire to run into His presence and to run continually in His presence.

Well my dear runner ~ I must ask, what desires of duplicity do you run with today?

Heavenly Father, let each foot fall burn with but One desire ~ to race our days away in Your house and to behold the One True Beauty.

Let it be Lord, let it be.

Flooding of a Different Sort

I wrote of flash flooding and waters that rise all too quick and then I hit publish. 

Several hours later He wrote His truth on His pages and He shared a few things with me about these flood waters that we so often find ourselves swimming in.  I smiled the smile of a little girl who knows her Dad sees ~ He sees her sopping wet clothes and disheveled hair, He did not miss one slight gasp for air ~ her Dad sees and He hears.

Here is what my Dad says about flash flooding ~

Psalm 77:16 ~ "The waters saw You, O God; the waters saw You, they were afraid; the depths also trembled . . . "

The tidal wave of anger that crashes on the shores of my family, this torrent of waters that streams screaming mad into our home ~ these waters ~ they fear my Dad, they tremble at His name.  These flash floods fear my God.  So, they burst in with rage and violence for surely they know their days, their hours, their very minutes are numbered and they tremble at the knowledge of my Father. 

These raging storms of life all know truth ~ their day of reckoning is at hand and the verdict has already been delivered.

So, they stomp and storm about and rage as a toddler tantrums.  They search for the weak and the weary, they search for the unprotected, and they whip and they whirl and they spin about and in a dazed confusion the lost are dragged down in a whirlwind into the drain of the dark.  But, these dark waters are afraid, they certainly tremble and when lost soul reaches wind whipped hand He grabs a hold and in the depths of darkness the shudder runs wildly deep at the sight of the scarred hand.

The waters see and the waters tremble at my great God.

And another thing which was certainly not as easy to accept as the other ~

Psalm 77: 19-20 ~ "Your way was in the sea, Your path in the great waters.  And Your footsteps were not known.  You led Your people like a flock . . . "

This way into the great waters?  Amidst the flashing floods?  He led me here, this is His way, His path.  Into the great waters, He leads.  His footsteps are not known, for how could we ever perceive that into the great waters He would lead?  But, lead He does and He walks his people into this great sea.

Why would a good God lead His flock into the rising flood waters?  Two reasons ~

~ When flood flashes and the waters whip biting cold then His flock set hinds feet on solid ground amidst the high places and every doubt is eternally erased from their minds ~ all praise, glory and honor is due to their Heavenly Father.

~ The multitude of clenched fists still thrash and flail about, from the shore, we can not reach to haul them out.


The course is set and the path is marked ~ He will lead this race through many great waters.  We can not say that we did not know ~ will you race on?

Flash Floods

We live here in this home with these children and we live here under the threat of flash flooding.  The constant threat of a flash flood.  The flooding flows through this home so rapidly that waters have us gaping and grasping for air before we even know what has descended upon us.  The waters whip wild and the torrent of waves is quite literally breath-taking.  And some moments I think I might possibly drown under the weight of the waters of her flash and gush of flooding.

She breaks loose suddenly and the sunny day turns dark and the flood flashes and the torrent of anger and the harsh words flow faster then we can reason.  The dam breaks loose inside for some unforeseen reason and we begin to clamor to keep heads above water.

I know her history, some of it.  I know why she cracks but in the face of rage and wrath we fight hard to push back the darkness that threatens to swallow her whole.

The world has been cold to these young souls and only the hand of God can thaw the stone ice that rises up within them.  The cold of the stone ice is biting and bitter and we pray and believe that the fire of the Spirit will warm their souls.

As the flood flashes this is the Truth we cling to ~ the Rock, our firm Foundation.

When the waters gush in we cling tightly to our ~ "God, my Rock, in Whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold, my Savior, Thou savest me from violence."  (2 Samuel 22:3)

We throw arms around the Rock and we reach back into the waters of rage and violence and we grab their arms as they flail and thrash about in the dark waters that tear at their souls and cling to their bodies to drag them under.  We grab a tight hold of a wrist at the base of the tight fist that clenches in loss and anger, the fist that pounds the water out fear and confusion.  And with much prayer and fasting, and the washing of the Word we slowly straighten slender fingers and unwind the wound fist and we lay their open palms upon the Rock so they too can feel the firm Foundation.  And they do feel, they feel the Rock ~ the Rock of our ages and the ages past and the ages to come.  They feel His strength and the torrent begins to subside and I feel a sliver of light warm my soul, a slice of grace lays across her face and I know they have begun to find firm ground again. 

And for now the flood does not flash, for now they stand on solid ground but I know I will hear the crash of angry waves again, they will gush wild and angry and that is alright. No, that is far better then alright for when mighty waters threaten to capsize us all then I know that sad and hurting hearts are preparing to lay open palm upon the solid Rock.  And that is the intent, that is the purpose, that is why we do what we do; that clenched fists will grasp the scarred hand and eternities will be eternally changed.

I am learning to live peacefully and contentedly amidst this flooding for not so long ago in my not so distant past I was the flash flood and His people threw my a lifeline and dragged my rebelliously clenched fist onto solid Rock.  And the winds begin to calm and the waters slip into a steady, slow rhythm and the Son shines radiant upon my face and I look back into the angry crashing waves of our lost land and look for another clenched fist that is crying out for a firm foundation to rest their wearied soul upon.

We have one purpose to fulfill as we labor and journey upon this lost land ~ to glorify our Lord and Savior and the Scriptures promise that as we glorify the one, true Savior then He will draw all men to Him.  And clenched fists open to hearts laid bare and the lost and drowning find rest for their weary souls upon the Rock; the Rock that spans the ages, the Rock that created the ages, the Rock that is the ages.

With flash flood warnings blaring in our ears and rattling in our heads we race towards six more fists clenched tightly but we gladly race on knowing we race upon the Rock. 

And the Jordan Flows On and the Jordan Flows Out

This reformed dead sea is teeming with life and I give God all glory and praise that He rejoices in bringing the dead back to life.

We live in a society that is repulsed by weakness, and we are a people that finds any discomfort detestable.  We are certain that with that particular degree from the correct university then we will be able to stave off loss and discomfort.  When the proper bank accountants reach a certain number then we will ensure our stability.  With the right dietary regime combined with cardiovascular exercise and a touch of strength training we are assured that we will become quite invisible.  We search high and low and we find the one that is certainly as anti-weakness us ourselves and we couple ourselves with them and we console ourselves that our little darlings will hit the genetic jackpot and they too will live a life of comfort and ease.

At the first sign of the sniffles we hit WebMD eighteen times, spend a small fortune at our local pharmacy, call in sick and just for good measure we visit our favorite MD who prescribes enough medication to care for a small village.  We hate sickness, we run arms wildly failing about with fright riddled all over our faces from any sign of infirmity.  We hate weakness because weakness may lead to pain and that is just simply unbearable.

A confession ~ I spent that vast majority of my life training hard to outrun any and all weakness.

Another confession ~ I was my absolute weakest at the pinnacle of what the world deems to be strong.

I pursued the correct degrees and the numbers were adding up in all the right bank accounts.  My children were walking poster boards for the Gap and all their cronies.  We lived in the right amount of square footage and my husband had the type of collar device that made others pop a smart salute.  I ran a fast mile split and swam miles in the open water and you would certainly never see me cry.  And the foolish eyes of this land looked upon me and mine and congratulated us on our assault against weakness.  I too was fooled into believing the lie that became my reality ~ that weakness was a thing to be despised.

And in heavy pursuit of the world's strength I was in spiritual decay and I may have stayed that way ~ except for the true reality ~ that Truth has a way of setting you free, free from the confines of the foolish ways of this world.

Does weakness scare you?     Yes, it did me too.  Are you frightened by infirmities and loss?  You would barely be human if you had not lost sleep over those.  Persecution?  Reproaches?  Unmet needs?  Yes, it is our fleshy nature to turn from them all and it is our cultural norm to avoid them all at all costs.  But, what if the cost is your soul?  What if it is the souls of those you love? 

Listen to what the Word says about weakness ~

2 Corinthians 12:9-10  ~  " . . . My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities (weaknesses), that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

In the Amplified version verse 9 reads as such ~

"But He said to me, My grace is enough for you; for My strength and power are made perfect and show themselves most effective in your weakness.  Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!"

(I was writing last Thursday evening and at this point the direction of the Jordan flow changed course as a hurting child needed her Mom to talk and not write, but the waters continued to flow and provide grace and healing to us both.)

Our fear of weakness is entirely unbiblical. 

His strength is made perfect in our weakness ~ does this imply that God was not perfect before our weakness?  Of course not, for we know He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and He was perfect yesterday and He is perfect today and tomorrow and He is perfect with or without my weaknesses.  The perfection comes in us ~ we are the imperfect souls and as we lay weaknesses bare for the Perfect One His strength begins to wrought perfection in us.  In our frailty and failings He perfects His work of perfection in us and through us.  Think of the freedom and the rejoicing this ought to bring about in our souls!  Heavenly Father ~ gives us eyes to see and ears to hear.

In the Amplified verse 9 stopped me midstride ~ He pitches a tent over me (and my home and family!) and His strength and power dwell among us when we glory in our weaknesses!  My Heavenly Father sets up a canopy of His power over me and my home and my family if I will willingly glory in my frailty and inability!  What freedom and release this brings to me, what joy and peace I hear in these words; for lately I am nothing but frailty, weaknesses, inabilities, and one GIANT shortcoming!  For I know everyday that I have truly met my match here in this call He has called me to, I am outnumbered and overwhelmed and I awake exhausted and I am entirely UNDONE!  And God quietly and simply placed a tent of His power over this failing that is me and my failings are called perfection through power of God! 

If the call God has laid on your life does not drive you to your knees in utter desperation, if you do not wonder on a constant, hourly basis how it will be possible, if you do look at your capabilities laid beside the task at hand and weep a silent tear at the tremendous disparity between the two then dare I say you have not found His call in your life or have not surrendered to it in its entirety.  Why?  Because every believer who calls on the name of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ needs live and work and tarry our days under a canopy of His power.  Only in our brokenness are we made whole.

And today I run a race I intend to fail for in my failings I begin to race towards His perfection ~

For when my failings, I truly face
  And my weaknesses I joyfully embrace,
Then I fall in stride with His pace,
  Knowing that my Champion has already won this race.

And we race weak and we race frail and we race on for the glory of the Risen Son!

The Jordan Flow

That river doth surely flow, mighty waters wash into the Sea of Galilee and that river, that Jordan River doth flow again and the life waters flow out and on and then they crash into another sea, this sea so entirely different from the Sea of Galilee.

Water flows in and water flows out ~ the cycle of life ~ breathe life air in and breathe another life's air out ~ that is the mysterious mathematics of our Heavenly Father ~ life must flow in and then life must flow out ~ if not then we will certainly rename you the Dead Sea. 

The Galileen Sea teams with the luster of life ~ water flows in and water flows out ~ so unlike that other, that sea to the South.  Yet, we reason, the same waters flow through the banks of the Jordan into the Galileen and then into the Sea of the Dead, how can that be?  One life giving sea? and the other ~ the Dead Sea?

One flows in and then flows on ~ life poured into vast body and then flows out to pour into another ~ and that vast body is alive and well and offers sustenance to an untold number.  However, its Southernly brother, offers life to no other.  Waters pour in and never flow out ~ life floods in in tumults and then?  Death.  For this Dead Sea held the life giving waters and kept it all as its own and the waters never flowed on and on and on in the way that our Heavenly Father in His Heavenly Home intended.

Life must flow in and then life must flow out.

I stood on Ethiopian soil and worshiped with the Brethren.  I stood far from home and far from the waters that flow that I surely know and yet the waters of Life flowed and I did know, I knew those waters that flowed Life into my weary soul.  That day on Ethiopian soil he spoke to his people, his flock, I listened intently certain He has something to say through this shepherd.

He spoke of Dead Seas and the flow of waters that brings life in and then carries life out ~ I saw immediately that we the church of the West are so often that Dead Sea.  So much life flows in and we damn in up and we stand on the shore of our ever growing dead sea and we say this, this is all for me!  And the Heavenly Host turns eye towards this dead sea and they murmur that we still do not see, that with no outflow we have only a dead sea.

Everyday over a million tons of water evaporates from the Dead Sea ~ everyday tons upon tons upon tons of life giving water slips up as lost vapor.  And here we see the same ~ precious life wasted up into the vapors above this dead sea.

Why does the Dead Sea breed death instead of life?  Too much salt.  Too much minerals.  Too much.  And the waters flow in but they never flow out and the waters grow stagnate and death covers all and the life giving water vapors slip up into the heavens as millions lie dying of thirst all around.

Too much with no outflow breeds death.

In our lives here in the American church there is tremendous inflow and in our individual lives the inflow is immense as well.  What is your measure of outflow in comparison to the inflow?  Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love others as yourself.  We must measure our outflow against this commandment from our Savior.

Several weeks later I ran under a hot sun on the soil I call home while I journey home and I asked God why He was silent.  He asked me why I had stopped the flow of living waters out of me?  I knew in my spirit where the dam had been built and why He was silent.  The dam did not stand in our finances or relationships or anything of that sort.  No, it was nothing that easy.  I had stopped the flow of waters through the written word, I had silenced my words and in this fashion Life no longer flowed out of me.  I had become a dead sea.  Simply a dead sea.

Shortly there after I stood beside more waters and he asked me, "Why are you not writing?  You know you are suppose to."  In true poetic fashion I replied, "Because I do not want to! I feel like that obscure band that continues to pound out melodies in their hot, stinky garage and they labor over lyrics that no one cares about.  I am that band and the garage is miserably hot and quite lonely and I want out of the garage because no one cares about the songs I write."

And then in true head of household fashion, he said, "So, it is not about what you want, it is about obedience.  And you are right, no one cares about your weird songs pouring out of the garage except for the only One that matters.  It is about obedience."

Darn him when he is right!  It is not about what I want it is about obedience.  So, if you want to know where to find me ~ I am that one man band bellowing out songs late into the night with screeching dogs and hostile neighbors writing for the One I love ~ all from the garage.

And so ~ we race on.